New Toulouse

Charges preferred against patrolman

Charges of holding an unnecessary conversation while on duty were preferred by Corporal Traub against Supernumerary Patrolman Anahtay Bonura Monday, on complaint of Inspector Palmer, who alleges Bonura was in a shoe store talking with some girls. Bonura explains the matter by saying that he was telling friends of his father’s illness.

Boy runs into automobile

A thorough investigation into the jitneymobile accident last Saturday night, when James H. Vinson, 11 years old, sustained a broken leg, has been made by Sergeant Anderson, who learned that young Vinson, on an errand, was on roller skates hanging on to a streetcar going up Bayou street. After passing Royal street, the boy let go his hold and proceeded across the street, and in doing so he came into contact with the fender of the jitneymobile, which was moving slowly in the opposite direction.

There were six passengers in the jitney, one of whom got out of the machine and helped Vinson in, and he was immediately taken to the Our Lady of Mercy infirmary. The jitney belonged to the West Side Transit Company and was in charge of William Henley, 17 years old, as chauffeur.

Be careful where you hang your washing.

That’s the advice of Miss Miette Lin, the proprietor of Lin Laundry, who says that she returned from making a delivery to find a shaggy intruder atop her nightstand. After the interloper departed, she noticed that two pairs of red long johns were missing.

A spokesman for the New Toulouse Street Railway Company says that passengers should expect streetcar delays, “due to random appearances of groups of Goats at intersections.”

Police warn that the gang members are dangerous. “The Goats wear distinctive headgear shaped like horns,” said Inspector Palmer. “If you see one, do not approach him, but instead telephone us for help.”

One man sustained minor bruising during an altercation with a Goat and even spilled his coffee. “Looka dat bruise,” said Mr. Boudreaux. “Dat ain’t no leetle bruise.”

---

Gigi Lapin lives in New Toulouse Bayou with her pet crawfish, Jimbo.

Mystery Digit
A severed finger found in a Gloryville alley has given the police a puzzle that is being investigated by local sleuths.

Choosy Looter
A Woodget Street couple returned home Saturday night to find their valuables piled in a heap on the parlor floor. The only thing missing was a bottle of apricot brandy.

Vehicular Adversity
An elderly lady was struck by a streetcar today on Bayou Street near Laveau Square when she walked into the street to go around a Mardi Gras float that had been left on the pavement. The woman is without injury, but the streetcar was sent to the shop for repairs.

In yet another unfortunate Desire-fueled accident, an impromptu funeral party was flattened by the streetcar. At about 10:30 Friday night, Armand was driving his handsome hearse, transporting—along with several pallbearers-cum-joyriders—a corpse, thought to be that of Miss R. Beedit. (Details on her pending undeadness pending.)

Miss Karima Hoisan stood on the coachman’s step of the hearse alongside Miss Maggie Hawksby. When the carriage paused by the cemetery, says Miss Hoisan, “I was talking with Doc Avalon, who was in the street offering one of her experimental therapies for our dubious corpse, when suddenly I felt a very powerful sensation in the vicinity of my backside, as though a powerful force was in fact jolting me from behind!”

In short, it’s a miracle that every party at that intersection were not sent to his or her respective end. In short order, the whole mess was consumed by a big fireball, with the terrified horse hauling the whole thing.

Since the streetcar isn’t powered by anything particularly flammable, it’s speculated that the doctor may have propagated some kind of experimental electrical current with the idea of corpse “reanimation,” when in fact the entire coach was blown up. (They say Armand makes great floats, and now it’s official: Armand can also maintain great exploding floats.)

Miraculously, all—including the infernal streetcar—were accounted for afterward. The citizens sat in Armand’s parlor, enjoying some stiff beverages whilst puffing Miss Hawksby’s oracle pipes. The circumspect group mused on the afterlife, which pretty much made Armand yawn.

---

Jack Mondieu, Ace Reporter, is a figment of your imagination.

The new intra-bayou ferry means it’s time for a new transit map. Here are our notes on the various routes:

Purple: Desire, a streetcar. She stops at the French Market, Laveau Square, and the police station, but feel free to hop on and off anywhere along the way. (Try not to get run over.)

Gold: This ferry takes you along the levee from the French Market dock to where the library is docked. It is mainly used by people with very sore feet.

Blue: This ferry connects the library dock to the main bayou dock and train station. If going from city to bayou, use this short ride to check that you have plenty of ammo.

Red: Mamou, once a streetcar, now repurposed for bayou rail travel. She connects the depot and the east end of the bayou. If you walk along the tracks, try not to be on the bridge at the same time Mamou wants to use it.

Green: This new ferry allows easy travel from the main bayou landmass to the islands—and incidentally makes for a pleasant tour, as long as you’re not worried about gators.

Silver: This marks the footpaths provided by the parish. The east-west one is in pretty good shape, but the north-south one will probably just slide off into the water any day now.

The French Market Dock ferry now runs from the French Market to the Bayou Ferry Landing. It is the latest public transportation route in New Toulouse and New Toulouse Bayou constructed by local government, bringing the total number of routes to four including ferries and trolleys.

“This will be the heart of the city,” said Pazzo Pestana, a city administrator in charge of transportation, pointing to the French Market Dock that, along with the new ferry, is part of a major renovation and revitalization program in New Toulouse. “This is going to be the landing point, so there will be a lot of info and things to interest people.”

“Right now,” said Pestana, “you can board the trolley at the eastern end of the line in New Toulouse Bayou, get off at the station, take the ferry across, change to the Market Dock ferry, then get off at the French Market, hop on the streetcar named Desire, and ride around New Toulouse.”

There are no restrictions on flying, but as Pestana puts it, “With the ferry, the hope is that people will slow down and enjoy the scenery.”

The map below shows public transportation provided by the city government.

Habana Jazz is a resident of New Toulouse and calls his mother every week.