Posts Tagged ‘police’

Police Blotter

by on Thursday, June 23rd, 2016

A CALLER REPORTED that a man was pulling a bush out of the ground. Police determined that the man was weeding.
black-cat-wallpaperPATROLMEN BELL AND CHRISTEN made a good capture Wednesday evening at 5:15 o’clock when at Royal Street and Wikifoo Way, they caught Wm. Mars, 37 years old, and Caroll Varnado, 19 years old, in the act of attempting to dispose of a lot of brass, lead, and copper material which is believed to have been stolen. Mars claimed to have purchased the stuff at points along the river from St. James to New Toulouse, but the pair told so many conflicting tales that they are not believed at all. The material was brought to New Toulouse in a skiff, which it is thought may also have been stolen, as neither prisoner lives in this vicinity. Mars is said to be an ex-convict and, when charged so by the police, admitted that he served two years in the penitentiary for breaking into a grocery at Baldwin, La. Recorder Goff imposed the usual sentence of L$10 and twenty days and nine days additional in order to hold the suspects pending further investigation of the case.

A MAN ARRIVED HOME from vacation and could not open his safe; he said that someone had changed the combination, possibly using witchcraft.

San Francisco visitors ask about Barbary Coast

by on Tuesday, May 26th, 2015

barbary-coast

Police Blotter

by on Tuesday, April 21st, 2015

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Charges preferred against patrolman

Charges of holding an unnecessary conversation while on duty were preferred by Corporal Traub against Supernumerary Patrolman Anahtay Bonura Monday, on complaint of Inspector Palmer, who alleges Bonura was in a shoe store talking with some girls. Bonura explains the matter by saying that he was telling friends of his father’s illness.

Boy runs into automobile

A thorough investigation into the jitneymobile accident last Saturday night, when James H. Vinson, 11 years old, sustained a broken leg, has been made by Sergeant Anderson, who learned that young Vinson, on an errand, was on roller skates hanging on to a streetcar going up Bayou street. After passing Royal street, the boy let go his hold and proceeded across the street, and in doing so he came into contact with the fender of the jitneymobile, which was moving slowly in the opposite direction.

There were six passengers in the jitney, one of whom got out of the machine and helped Vinson in, and he was immediately taken to the Our Lady of Mercy infirmary. The jitney belonged to the West Side Transit Company and was in charge of William Henley, 17 years old, as chauffeur.

Visitors stuck in jail overnight

by on Tuesday, March 17th, 2015

When five residents of New Babbage, attending court here, procured passes and went to visit the New Toulouse parish police department, Constable Erdferkel, the turnkey, took them in the cell room and, according to custom, locked them in.

When they were ready to get out, the turnkey found that his big key had broken off in the lock.

For hours local locksmiths tried to release the unwilling prisoners, but their skill was unequal to the resistance of the clogged mechanism.

At night Inspector Palmer passed their suppers between the bars. In the morning the inspector was finally able to contact the city’s most expert locksmith and have him open the door; the locksmith had been out dancing and having a jollification the previous night and was unreachable during the initial crisis.


Jack Mondieu carouses with local experts and consequently sniffs out stories.

Palmer appointed top cop

by on Thursday, March 12th, 2015

pappy-n-bruno
Following Pazzo Pestana’s sudden resignation from the helm of the New Toulouse parish police, today Mayor Godenot appointed John Palmer to the post. When asked for a remark about his promotion, Inspector Palmer replied, “Go about your own business—nothing to see here.”

The mayor’s office had no comment on either the resignation or the appointment. The watering holes of New Tou are abuzz with speculation as to why Pestana left his post so abruptly. He could not be reached for comment, as he was out of town attending to some horse trading business.

Palmer, known to many in town as “Pappy,” had been a police officer in Florida before moving to New Toulouse. He worked for his cousin Blake Palmer (this year’s king of Carnival) in various capacities and started his own catering service before joining the police force. He is often seen in the company of Constable Bruno Erdferkel.


Gigi Lapin lives in New Toulouse Bayou with her pet crawfish, Jimbo.

A Sunday Gras proclamation

by on Sunday, February 15th, 2015

It is commanded that the royal constabulary adhere to the following decree:

… that the Parish Constable shall concoct a temporary confinement for incarceration of would-be charlatans, misfits, and emboldened zombies that attempt to seek opportunity in the capital city;

… that the Constable furthermore shall consult with the Mayor of this good city and summon the Parish Council for the consideration of establishing a more suitable and sustainable house of precinct;

… that the Constable shall investigate, locate, and incarcerate the egregious perpetrators that have littered, mucked, and desecrated the capital city with their trash and other oddments of filth.

—King Blake

Blake Palmer builds an empire

by on Wednesday, October 29th, 2014

Dressed in a nice suit and a dapper hat, with an attractive woman at his elbow, entrepreneur Blake Palmer is almost unrecognizable compared to the barefoot man who used to lumber around in dirty overalls, making me nervous as he drank God-knows-what and cleaned his shotguns in the apartment directly above mine in the old Tarantula Arms boarding house. But despite his change of attire—and change of fortune—Mr. Palmer is, at heart, still the same man.

Blake Palmer is the owner of several businesses in town

Blake Palmer is the owner of several businesses in town


At the time of our first interview, Mr. Palmer owned three businesses. We met in one of them, a club called the Havana Rose, where a sultry woman in a fancy dress was singing her heart out on the stage. At the time of our second interview, the club was no more, and his other businesses had moved locations, with a third in the works. As of press time, that’s changed again—and not all of that can be attributed to the slow writing pace of a certain Tattler reporter. Mr. Palmer is a man with ambition, dreams, and an almost manic energy. New ventures open and move and close and reopen almost overnight, and the reasons for this are tough to get a handle on. After agreeing to meet me for a drink to talk about his many and varied business ventures, Mr. Palmer spent nearly half an hour deflecting my questions with winks, changes of subject, and exaggerated declarations of ignorance. Eventually, I lit a cigarette and started at the beginning.

When Mr. Palmer lived upstairs in the Tarantula Arms, there was a run-in one night with the police—it seems he was bootlegging out of his apartment. The particulars are somewhat muffled by the fact that I got under my bed as soon as I heard the cocking of a shotgun, but the officer left alone, smiling, swaying slightly down the steps, and hiding what looked like a mason jar behind his back as he waved me off and assured me, “Everyshinsss fine.”

After Mrs. Varnish unceremoniously evicted her remaining tenants so the building could be torn down, Mr. Palmer opened a useful and well-stocked general store and filling station on Carricre Street. He could frequently be seen tooling around town in his pickup (sober, we hope), delivering groceries to customers. Then suddenly one day, the shop was boarded up and Mr. Palmer had left town.

He says he went down to South Florida to take advantage of “opportunities” and did odd jobs like driving boats.

When I asked why he came back, he gave me a grin and said, “Let’s just say heavy storms were rolling in and the work became too dangerous.”

I reminded him that he rolled back into New Toulouse just in time for a major storm with devastating flooding, and he shook his head, telling me the storms in Florida weren’t raining water.

“Bullets,” he whispered. “But don’t quote me on that.”

Blake closes up shop for the night at the Old Town General Store

Blake closes up shop for the night at the Old Town General Store


The grocery store is back, in a different location but with what appears to be similar quality and service. Business is good, he acknowledged, before slyly telling me that business at the grocery store could dry up tomorrow and he’d still be in good shape. He got up from the table and gestured to the door, offering to take me to the “nucleus of the operation.”

The Still House Saloon is exactly what it sounds like. The still towers over the space, where Mr. Palmer says he offers “barbecue ribs, cornbread, moonshine, and poker.” When I asked if he had a permit, or if there would be any trouble for printing this in the paper, he shrugged. “Trouble from who? Wouldn’t worry about the police.” Remembering the Tarantula Arms, I nodded.

“So this is how you pay for everything?” I asked.

“I’ll just say that copper and corn have made me a very happy man.”

Salome Starsmith chats up the owner of the Still House while sampling the house special

Salome Starsmith chats up the owner of the Still House while sampling the house special


After that, he got vague again, refusing to give me a straight answer about his clients or his employees—”I can’t tell you offhand how many are on my payroll, but I have several close partners,” was the most he would give me, clearing his throat and looking pointedly in the direction of the hospital.

I haven’t seen Mr. Palmer since, but on my way to the Tattler to turn in my photos and have a possibly terrifying conversation with my boss, I saw a new restaurant sign downstairs at the Red Drum. Being curious (and prone to procrastination), I took a detour to the land office to see who had registered the space.

As I suspected, the name on the ledger read “Palmer, Blake.”

Blake Palmer owns the Old Town General Store, the Still House Saloon, and Begue’s Restaurant.


Jane Moreaux keeps half an eye on New Toulouse.

Letter to the editor

by on Monday, July 7th, 2014

This is a response to the “Chief of Police,” Mr. P. Pestana, regarding his dictate on the destruction of weeds. Aside from the fact that weeds are completely indigenous and organic (most of the time), this sort of blathering ordinance betrays an obvious dynamic within our civic servant infrastructure. Don’t you have anything better to do than to make old ladies like me look silly writing letters asking why you don’t have anything better to do than make random rules—not even official legislation, I might add—about the types of things people grow on their own personal land? If nobody has any weeds growing then what are you going to stand around picking your teeth with?

Sign me,

Weed lover with better things to do!!!

Mondieu Reviews

by on Thursday, June 19th, 2014

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The Slammer

New Toulouse Parish Police Department
Pontalba Street, New Toulouse

Ah, the city jail. Who among us has not spent the occasional night in its warm embrace? Who among us is so staid as to have avoided any brushes with John Law?

Realizing that the answer is probably “a whole lot of you,” I headed to the parish police department to talk to some of its current guests. My camera was confiscated by an officer, so you will have to make do with this snapshot of the station’s exterior:
1NT-copshop
Meet Mr. X, inhabitant of the first cell. Estranged from his wife because of his sottish tendencies, and unable to afford a room because of his prodigious thirst for the demon rum, each night he drinks heavily and publicly misbehaves just enough so that he is collared by the law and thereby has a place to sleep. It’s a terrible solution, but one might have a grudging respect for the man’s ingenuity.

In the next cell over is a fellow accused of insulting a lady’s dignity. He loudly denies having insulted anyone’s dignity (“Whatever that means!”), and he equally denies ever having met a lady.

The other cell was unoccupied when I arrived, but I was quickly booked in for a comfortable stay. Earlier I hadn’t really been all that inebriated when hunger pangs struck as I was passing a vegetable stall at the market. For the record, potatoes aren’t meant to be eaten raw, and always pay the merchant when you take her wares. I don’t know if the potatoes were responsible, but I had the distinct feeling that my cell was haunted by a ghostly presence. I asked the officer on duty, and he said that yes, my cell was completely haunted. I ended up spending a restless night and checking out as early as possible.

All in all, the local lockup isn’t a terrible place to stay. The food is passable, the cots are firm and solid, and the rooms are pretty clean. Just try to avoid Cell #3.


Jack Mondieu is a bon vivant, a flâneur, a belletrist … but he also needs to pay the rent.