Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Classifieds

by on Monday, March 14th, 2016

WANTED

LETS GET ACQUAINTED? We are the largest receivers of Eggs, Poultry and produce on consignment in New Toulouse. Ship us every day and you will be paid every day. Write for prices that will put you in business. We handle frogs also. H. Goodman & Co., 400 to 414 Poydras St., New Toulouse, La.

WANTED TO BUY—White Oak Pipe Staves, Beer Staves, and West India Staves, also sawn ash and gum staves, split hickory auto billets. I inspect at loading point and pay cash when loaded. Write for sizes and prices. A. M. C. Leod, Monroe, La.


HELP WANTED

THE NEW TOULOUSE TATTLER seeks talented reporters, photographers, and columnists. Phone Nikita Weymann, NT-668.


NOTICES

TAKEN UP by the undersigned at New Toulouse Bayou one dark brown bull about 3 years old. No brand. No ear mark. The said animal has been in the neighborhood over 12 months. The owner is hereby notified to come forward, prove property, pay costs and take same away or the said animal will be sold according to the police jury ordinance relative to strays. (Signed) L. DARBY.

TIRED OF POLITICS AS USUAL? Join the Citizens’ League, and together we can elect a new city government that will work FOR THE PEOPLE. 26 Basin Street, New Toulouse.

NOTICE—Guy R. Chauvin is no longer connected with the firm of T. J. Nagel & Co.


MISCELLANEOUS

LOVELY YOUNG SUFFRAGETTES are waiting for your call. Discuss politics and pantaloons for only L$5 per minute. Phone NT-355 now!

YOU WEREN’T INSURED? Well you should have been, but we can still work with you, on a percentage basis. Call Nocturnal Aviation, while you can still find us. Nocturnal Aviation, dba Banana Importers, NT-102.

SISTER GOLD, Traiteur. Is your True Love True? Are you? Sister Gold knows. NT-528.

EATING MEAT builds up your muscle, a juicy steak will make you hustle. With muscle and hustle, THE WORLD IS YOURS. Try Perrineau’s lake cow steak tonight.


LOST & FOUND

WANTED—Information in regards to the whereabouts of a missing gator, answers to the name of Waldo. Last seen stalking a tourist in the bayou. Angelique, NT-570.


Classified ads are posted every Monday and are L$1 per word; fee waived for sufficiently amusing advertisements. Contact NT-668 to place an ad.

Merry Christmas, New Toulouse

by on Friday, December 18th, 2015

ChristmasLouisPrang
Merry Christmas from the staff of the New Toulouse Tattler! (And happy Fishmas from the editor.) The Tattler will resume publication in the coming year.

Bits and Pieces

by on Saturday, February 21st, 2015

We are traveling pretty fast. If you mention “The Pilgrim’s Progress” to the average boy of today he would think you were talking about some new game.

One trouble with this world is that the fellows who are most in need of advice are those who are always trying to give it away.

Some married couples are so considerate of each other in public that they create the impression of playing parts that have been carefully rehearsed.

Lazy farmers are just as useless as dead ones and take up more room.

The silk hat and the Prince Albert coat will never go out of use so long as three out of five men parade on the slightest provocation.

When honesty is merely a good policy it is a poor virtue.

Were it not for women all the men would be savages.

Correction

by on Tuesday, February 17th, 2015

In an article published Saturday night, we reported that Mr. Callidus Waydelich was spotted riding on a float during the Samedi Gras parade, when in actuality he was elsewhere doing something appalling with a muskrat. We regret the error.

Bits and Pieces

by on Wednesday, February 4th, 2015

Funny that the very fellow who begs a girl for a lock of her hair in the courtship days when he kisses it so fondly will swear like a trooper if he finds one of them in the butter after he is married.

“Billy Sunday Hits Booze”—Headline. Sorry to hear it. Thought he cut it out when he went on the sacred vaudeville circuit.

One reason why mother is stoop-shouldered from doing all the housework alone is because daughter has to practice walking as if she were doubled up with cramps, or people wouldn’t know that she had acquired the debutante slouch.

Some men are even too lazy to indulge in guesswork.

The European war raises the question as to whether the boy who carries the chip on his shoulder or the one who knocks it off starts the fight.

All newly wedded couples vow to tell each other the truth and there are cases on record where they have kept their promises for as long as six months.

There are all sorts of people in the world, including the man who gets a lot of consolation out of the rumor that Jawn Dee Rockefeller can’t eat anything.

Our great-grandfathers get credit for our vices. But we acquire our own virtues.

Bits and Pieces

by on Thursday, January 15th, 2015

The war correspondents devote much space to reports concerning the wings of the armies and have nothing to say about the drumsticks.

They have found the mosquito responsible for malaria in Manila. It is to be hoped that they will keep their discovery at home. Nobody else covets the glory of it.

In spite of the fact that Paris is not just now able to set the styles, the man in the street can detect no shortage of weird designs.

So far as history speaks Adam never offended Eve by staying out late at night attending lodges and banquets.

This season’s new dance is said to be of Chinese origin. Poor old China has to stand for nearly everything!

The way to abolish war is to abolish it. But how?

Harvard football players are provided with individual paper drinking cups for use on the field. The fact that these brawny young men are thus protected should be a lesson to a lot of less rugged people who are not afraid of disease germs because they never saw one.

Bits and Pieces

by on Wednesday, January 7th, 2015

Bacteriologists having pronounced modern bullets sanitary, it is inconsiderate and obstinate on the part of soldiers to die from their effects.

To other horrors of peace should be added the man who brings with him to the restaurant table his dead and decomposing cigar.

People who say, “I know I’m hard to get along with, but I can’t help it,” wouldn’t do better if they had a chance.

Shirt sleeve diplomacy beats the bare bayonet kind, anyway.

Even better than Bernard Shaw’s advice to the soldiers to “shoot their officers and go home” is Dr. Karl Liebknecht’s, which is simply to “go home,” leaving the officers and aristocrats to continue the fighting if they will.

The average boarding house chicken is a great help to the dentist.

If some men had their lives to live again they probably wouldn’t leave so many dollars for their heirs to scrap over.

Bits and Pieces

by on Saturday, December 27th, 2014

How to lower the price of eggs? Keep a hen.

Now a prune trust. Is there no help for the boarding house?

And why is it that a man generally becomes crusty after he accumulates a lot of dough?

Living for one’s country would seem to be more satisfactory than dying for it, but who knows?

A scientist says the skunk is one of man’s best friends. And you always know where to find the little fellow.

One philosopher will tell you that money talks; another that silence is golden. It is not always possible to reconcile maxims.

Many of us have been getting along without Russian caviar since the war began and yet have not experienced any severe suffering.

Thanks to the wireless, the world can pick up unconfirmed rumors of any sort almost anywhere.

Europe need not have gone to the trouble of getting up a fresh supply of picturesque ruins for Americans to visit.

Bits and Pieces

by on Wednesday, December 3rd, 2014

In this war nothing is sure but death in Europe and taxes in America.

One of the drawbacks to war is the fact that it occasions hard feelings.

The announcement that Portugal has 610,000 goats may stimulate someone to try to get them.

One reason why some women are good is that they have not learned how easy it is to be otherwise.

Knowing what is expected of her, Paris will make a heroic effort to set the styles in spite of the war.

When a mere politician claims that he can’t get justice, he provokes the comment that it is lucky for him.

There are some people who cannot help taking the worst view of things—the amateur photographer, for instance.

Someone please start an uprising against the decree of fashion which says men must wear clothes which show their figures.

Bits and Pieces

by on Friday, November 28th, 2014

We heartily endorse the “Wear a cotton frock” movement. It’s so monotonous to keep on paying bills for just silks, satins, and velvets.

In one way or another something desirable might be accomplished by imposing a war tax on the tango.

It is a good idea to give wedding presents. Then you will have an excuse to call on the couple and see if they have commenced quarreling yet.

Smokers will have a consolation if the war cuts off the supply of meerschaum pipes. The Missouri meerschaum, which is the best pipe in the world, so far as everything but looks is concerned, is made from a corn-cob, and it costs only a few cents.

The only time some people sympathize with the underdog is when it is their own pup that is getting licked.

A household hint says that books can be protected from mildew by sprinkling oil of lavender on the shelves. An easier way, though, would be to read ‘em occasionally.

They have found a lockjaw serum. How timely. Never was there a better time for locking up jaws.

After a man has read a page full of contradictory war news it’s a relief to turn to the sporting page. The “dope” there can be relied on.

A Paris dressmaker predicts that women of the future will wear clothes that are essentially mannish, but he is not predicting anything more than the women are predicting themselves.