New Toulouse

Determined to test the truth of William Blake’s proverb “The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom,” a bacchanalian throng of New Toulouse citizens and visitors ate, drank, and reveled their way through the Carnival season, which culminated in the annual Samedi Gras Parade on Saturday, February 10. Masked men, flirtatiously fleshy women, and even a team of stately unicorns rolled through the streets, either leading or atop a series of intricately wrought floats, all of which stood out as pristine works of art. A further delight was the surprise appearance of Ms. Maggie Hawksby as Queen of Carnival, a revelation which warmed the memories of even the most inebriated Taloosters. Ms. Hawksby reigned with elegance over Carnival just a short two years ago, and her presence served as a poignant reminder of our fair city’s storied history and deep tradition.

While eager onlookers were treated to a multitude of different “throws” from the float riders, the prize catch of the season was the Krewe of Wulfenbach’s engraved silver beer stein. Though there were reports of at least two unaware onlookers requiring a set of stitches to repair gashes resulting from stray steins, those with quick reflexes and sticky mitts came away with a keepsake both lovely and useful.


Having arrived at the end of the road of excess, the more pious among us marked the beginning of the Lenten season by attending the Ash Wednesday liturgy at the recently renamed Our Lady of Wisdom chapel. Visiting archbishop Aloysius Nolasco presided over the solemn service, marking the foreheads of each penitent with ashes, a reminder that our lives, like our revels, are impermanent.




With Carnival officially closed, one jelly-legged and red-eyed penitent paused while leaving the chapel and remarked, “Holy and profane, sordid and sacred … that’s New Toulouse. That’s the rhythm of our lives.” He then tipped his hat, bid me adieu, and shuffled off bayou way, singing out to the stars, “Dum vivimus vivamus” (“While we live, let us live”).

---

Diogenes Teufelsdröckh resides in New Toulouse Bayou, where he drinks bourbon, wrestles mudbugs, and ponders the Mysteries.

Relive Saturday’s fun, thanks to Natascha Randt!

[Here’s an anonymous letter along with some parade photographs taken by our own Miss Pie. Visit her gallery to see these pictures (and more) in their full glory.—Ed.]

Dear Sirs, or Madames, or Pirate Cats, or whatever you are—

I cannot express how angry I am at the recent displays of outrageous behavior in our City.

While the world is fighting the War to End all Wars, our city is playing in the streets.

Saturday, February 25, was the day of the Annual Samedi Gras Parade. People filled the streets of New Toulouse, carousing like wild beasts or hedonistic fools, and behaving in a generally unchristian fashion. Men were wearing masks, in direct contravention of the laws of this city, and women were wearing masks, and little else, while shaking their bodies in immodest ways.

There was the occasional well-dressed woman, it is true. Mrs. Rose Whitefalcon and Miss Francesca Alva were modestly dressed, but when the post-parade party started, Miss Alva was out there shaking like a wild woman just like everyone else. Miss Beedit was showing entirely too much shoulder. My husband and I grabbed our child, boarded the ferry, and took refuge in the Bayou, fully expecting divine retribution as in the biblical stories of old.

And to what do we owe these expressions of sinfulness? It is our own people’s fear of penance, people who cannot observe a few weeks of Lent without preparing for it by drinking, smoking, carousing, idolatry, the worship of pagan gods, and every other imaginable vice.

The displays of flesh were appalling. I estimate that the City should have earned several hundred in Parade Fees, and at least that much in nudity permits. I hereby call upon the administration of this den of iniquity to donate at least that much to the Gumbo Charity.

This type of behavior must not stand. We intend to leave this damp wicked place and live somewhere safe, clean, and dry, perhaps Las Vegas.

—Color Me Gone

The staff of Lin Laundry would like you to know that if you still haven’t gotten your Samedi Gras finery cleaned and pressed, you have until noon today to drop it off.

Miette Lin, owner of the business at 6 Shotgun Row, added that anyone who darkens her doorstep between 11:30 a.m. and noon will get charged double.

“Every year, we have people who come in the day before the parade with pieces of costumes that are not fit to wear in public,” Miss Lin explained. “Then we stay up all night cleaning them, and either miss the parade or can’t enjoy the parties. This year, I want to make sure my employees have the chance to get as drunk and disorderly as everyone else in town.”

Priscilla Rousseau and Lucy Chen, employees of Lin Laundry, both expressed relief at the idea of a deadline.

“You should see what shows up here five minutes before closing time most years,” Miss Rousseau said. “Caked in last year’s hangover.”

“That was that reporter,” Mrs. Chen corrected her, but did not elaborate which one. (Author’s note: It wasn’t me.)

“We want to remind anyone who finds himself or herself in this predicament that it’s entirely preventable. We have an Ash Wednesday special every year,” Miss Lin added. “Half price to wash the regrets right out of your costume if you drop it off on your way to do penance, no questions asked.”

---

Joe LaSalle is looking forward to Samedi Gras and creating some reasons to repent.

Late afternoon Wednesday the Big Cheese held a rally at Laveau Square, accompanied by a number of raccoons. The exact number of raccoons was impossible to determine, as they were in constant motion. I saw perhaps twenty, but people are saying there were hundreds.

The Big Cheese delivered an animated speech, at times gesticulating wildly to emphasize a point. But since no word was spoken, it is hard to say precisely what was the content of the speech. One presumes that somewhere in there was the traditional exhortation, by Carnival royalty, to attend the parade given in their honor (Samedi Gras, this Saturday) and to engage in general revelry of the season.

The raccoons cheered frequently and at times seemed to be chanting. I spotted Green-Eyed Fairy proprietress Francesca Alva nearby and decided to head to her refined establishment after the rally.

Miss Alva, who speaks Raccoon, told me that the raccoons are planning to take over New Toulouse. “They’re going to choose me as their queen,” she said. Just in case, I hurriedly paid my bar tab (leaving a nice tip, of course) and then went around town loosening trash can lids. Never let it be said that I failed to assist our possible new overlords.

---

Jack Mondieu plans to stop short of obtaining two black eyes in order to better fit in.

As the sun was setting Tuesday evening, the Big Cheese emerged from City Hall to deliver another Carnival proclamation. It clapped its hands twice, and a pig came out, floating in the air via some sort of extraordinary, dangerous-looking device. The flying pig emitted a series of squeals before accompanying the Big Cheese back into the building. As to the meaning of this proclamation, it is left as an exercise for the reader.

---

Jack Mondieu is right now hankering for some ham.

Twelfth Night, January 6, marks the traditional start of the Carnival season leading up to Mardi Gras. Let the festivities commence!

The captains and krewes of New Toulouse encourage all citizens of New Toulouse to participate.

How can you participate? The easiest way is to join an established krewe. New Toulouse has at least half a dozen krewes, some of which have been parading here for the better part of a decade.

What can you do in a krewe? Krewes decorate floats and parade on them, but they also throw parties and perform charitable fundraisers.

How can you join a krewe? Most krewes have information kiosks in the research room at City Hall. If you don’t see a krewe that strikes your fancy, you can form your own. Contact Yvonne Follet (phone NT-321) to add or update your krewe information.

Mardi Gras falls on February 28 this year, so the multi-krewe Samedi Gras parade will take place on Saturday, February 25.

Happy New Year, and happy Carnival season!

---

Henri Godenot is the mayor of New Toulouse and the captain of Krewe des Zombies.

Natascha Randt was in town Saturday, and here’s what she saw.

Photo by Bedlamie Thunders. See more photos by Miss Thunders on page 6.

Photo by Liza Veliz. See more photos by Miss Veliz on page 7.

Photo by Jane Moreaux. See more photos by Miss Moreaux on page 8.

The Blessing of the Waters and the Krewe du Canard boat parade will take place this Lundi Gras—Monday, February 8—at 5:50 PM. The Queen of the Carnival, Miss Maggie Hawksby, will perform the voodoo blessing at the fishing dock by Buford’s bait shop. This beautiful ceremony blesses the waters and community of New Toulouse and is a Carnival tradition that is not to be missed.

After the Blessing of the Waters, the boat parade will commence at the same location. The parade of fabulously decorated boats will wind its way through the waterways of New Toulouse. In the Lundi Gras boat parade, the parade floats actually do!

Following the boat parade, the krewe will make merry at the Toulouse Caboose, and the general public is invited.