Posts Tagged ‘Ethel Varnish’

Letter to the editor

by on Thursday, January 12th, 2017

Several women in Boston demanded to be registered as voters, basing their claim on the Federal Constitution which says specifically: “No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States.” The women who desired registration were formerly citizens and voters in California and Colorado. Lawyers who have studied the provisions of the United States Constitution express an opinion that there is a possibility for women who were enfranchised in one state to vote in a non-suffrage state, if they have complied with the qualifications, because the Federal Constitution says: “Full faith and credit shall be given in each state to the public acts, records and judicial proceedings of every other state,” and “The citizens of each state shall be entitled to all the privileges and immunities of citizens in the several states.” It will be interesting to watch the decision of the courts relative to what constitutes citizenship and abridgement of “privileges and immunities.”

Women and love will find the way.

Ethel Varnish
New Toulouse

MAYOR-ELECT FOUND DEAD

by on Monday, May 9th, 2016

rick-cityhall-sepia
New Toulouse chose Richard Mains as the new mayor in Saturday’s election, but he will never occupy that office.

When Mrs. Ethel Varnish, proprietress of 26 Basin Street, entered the top floor of that establishment to change the linens, she found Mr. Richard E. Mains dead in his chair. The face bore a ghastly expression of fright.

Mr. Mains had been dead for several hours when the body was discovered Sunday morning, according to Dr. X. Y. Zedaker, who was called on the case. The death was probably due to apoplexy.

The office of mayor goes to the candidate with the next-highest number of votes: Mr. Henri Godenot, the incumbent.


Jack Mondieu is ready to return to a quiet life of journalism but is still committed to destroying the sun in his spare time.

Blake Palmer builds an empire

by on Wednesday, October 29th, 2014

Dressed in a nice suit and a dapper hat, with an attractive woman at his elbow, entrepreneur Blake Palmer is almost unrecognizable compared to the barefoot man who used to lumber around in dirty overalls, making me nervous as he drank God-knows-what and cleaned his shotguns in the apartment directly above mine in the old Tarantula Arms boarding house. But despite his change of attire—and change of fortune—Mr. Palmer is, at heart, still the same man.

Blake Palmer is the owner of several businesses in town

Blake Palmer is the owner of several businesses in town


At the time of our first interview, Mr. Palmer owned three businesses. We met in one of them, a club called the Havana Rose, where a sultry woman in a fancy dress was singing her heart out on the stage. At the time of our second interview, the club was no more, and his other businesses had moved locations, with a third in the works. As of press time, that’s changed again—and not all of that can be attributed to the slow writing pace of a certain Tattler reporter. Mr. Palmer is a man with ambition, dreams, and an almost manic energy. New ventures open and move and close and reopen almost overnight, and the reasons for this are tough to get a handle on. After agreeing to meet me for a drink to talk about his many and varied business ventures, Mr. Palmer spent nearly half an hour deflecting my questions with winks, changes of subject, and exaggerated declarations of ignorance. Eventually, I lit a cigarette and started at the beginning.

When Mr. Palmer lived upstairs in the Tarantula Arms, there was a run-in one night with the police—it seems he was bootlegging out of his apartment. The particulars are somewhat muffled by the fact that I got under my bed as soon as I heard the cocking of a shotgun, but the officer left alone, smiling, swaying slightly down the steps, and hiding what looked like a mason jar behind his back as he waved me off and assured me, “Everyshinsss fine.”

After Mrs. Varnish unceremoniously evicted her remaining tenants so the building could be torn down, Mr. Palmer opened a useful and well-stocked general store and filling station on Carricre Street. He could frequently be seen tooling around town in his pickup (sober, we hope), delivering groceries to customers. Then suddenly one day, the shop was boarded up and Mr. Palmer had left town.

He says he went down to South Florida to take advantage of “opportunities” and did odd jobs like driving boats.

When I asked why he came back, he gave me a grin and said, “Let’s just say heavy storms were rolling in and the work became too dangerous.”

I reminded him that he rolled back into New Toulouse just in time for a major storm with devastating flooding, and he shook his head, telling me the storms in Florida weren’t raining water.

“Bullets,” he whispered. “But don’t quote me on that.”

Blake closes up shop for the night at the Old Town General Store

Blake closes up shop for the night at the Old Town General Store


The grocery store is back, in a different location but with what appears to be similar quality and service. Business is good, he acknowledged, before slyly telling me that business at the grocery store could dry up tomorrow and he’d still be in good shape. He got up from the table and gestured to the door, offering to take me to the “nucleus of the operation.”

The Still House Saloon is exactly what it sounds like. The still towers over the space, where Mr. Palmer says he offers “barbecue ribs, cornbread, moonshine, and poker.” When I asked if he had a permit, or if there would be any trouble for printing this in the paper, he shrugged. “Trouble from who? Wouldn’t worry about the police.” Remembering the Tarantula Arms, I nodded.

“So this is how you pay for everything?” I asked.

“I’ll just say that copper and corn have made me a very happy man.”

Salome Starsmith chats up the owner of the Still House while sampling the house special

Salome Starsmith chats up the owner of the Still House while sampling the house special


After that, he got vague again, refusing to give me a straight answer about his clients or his employees—”I can’t tell you offhand how many are on my payroll, but I have several close partners,” was the most he would give me, clearing his throat and looking pointedly in the direction of the hospital.

I haven’t seen Mr. Palmer since, but on my way to the Tattler to turn in my photos and have a possibly terrifying conversation with my boss, I saw a new restaurant sign downstairs at the Red Drum. Being curious (and prone to procrastination), I took a detour to the land office to see who had registered the space.

As I suspected, the name on the ledger read “Palmer, Blake.”

Blake Palmer owns the Old Town General Store, the Still House Saloon, and Begue’s Restaurant.


Jane Moreaux keeps half an eye on New Toulouse.

Letter to the editor

by on Thursday, October 23rd, 2014

Madam Editor,

I write today with the happy news of the return of my lost pet. My home was a sad and lonely place while Jimbo was gone, and I feared I would never see him again. But thanks to Mrs. Ethel Varnish, finally we have been reunited. Miz Ethel found my poor, confused crawfish wandering in a back alley and brought him to the Tattler offices. Jimbo is recovering at home and doing just fine.

Thanks to all for the warm wishes and assistance, and thanks especially to that dear lady Miz Ethel. This city just wasn’t the same while she was on her travels, and it’s wonderful to have her back.

Sincerely,

Gigi Lapin
The Big Tree
New Toulouse Bayou

Letter to the editor

by on Saturday, March 29th, 2014

Palace Hotel
San Francisco
Saturday, March 29

Dear Madam,

As you may have noticed, a certain tavern keeper in New Toulouse has been on a campaign of attacking my good name. This is no doubt due to our recent rivalry concerning the sale of certain medicinal substances, and I view with distaste this woman’s attempt to monopolize the industry. A free market is good for consumers, and I hope they will take advantage of my well-priced and distinctly higher-quality merchandise when I return from my buying expedition.

Also, I have never even made a meat pie.

Yours in commerce,

Mrs. Ethel Varnish

Tarantula Arms to close

by on Tuesday, March 18th, 2014

This past weekend tenants of the Tarantula Arms boarding house on Rue du Bayou were asked to move out, because the business is closing. The sudden announcement came as a shock, although as of this writing, most of the tenants have moved into new quarters, well before the deadline of March 23.

Mrs. Ethel Varnish, the former owner of the establishment, agreed to an interview. Seated outside the Green-Eyed Fairy next door to the Tarantula building, she downed a large whiskey before exclaiming, “I can’t wait till that thing comes down! The crumbling walls, the spiders, the odors! The underwear,” she added darkly. “I’m shut of all that now, thank goodness.”

This reporter expressed surprise on hearing that the building was to be torn down. “Oh, yes,” said Mrs. Varnish. “Lost it in a card game at Shooters & Liars. Best thing that ever happened to me, doll-face. The new owner must be pretty savvy to see that thing ought to come down.”

Photograph provided by Mrs. Ethel Varnish, taken at her then-home in New Toulouse Algiers, overlooking the old city wharf, circa "2009ish, I think"

Photograph provided by Mrs. Ethel Varnish, taken in New Toulouse Algiers, overlooking the old city wharf, circa “2009ish, I think”


Where will she live? “Miz Ethel” paused to light a cigar. “Well,” said she, glancing down the street, “I suppose I’ll go to St. Louis to visit with my cousin Poppy for a while.” She puffed away, gazing into the middle distance for some moments. “I can’t stay away from New Toulouse too long, though. Believe me, sweetie, I’ve tried.”


Jack Mondieu, Ace Reporter, is a figment of your imagination.