New Toulouse

Several women in Boston demanded to be registered as voters, basing their claim on the Federal Constitution which says specifically: “No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States.” The women who desired registration were formerly citizens and voters in California and Colorado. Lawyers who have studied the provisions of the United States Constitution express an opinion that there is a possibility for women who were enfranchised in one state to vote in a non-suffrage state, if they have complied with the qualifications, because the Federal Constitution says: “Full faith and credit shall be given in each state to the public acts, records and judicial proceedings of every other state,” and “The citizens of each state shall be entitled to all the privileges and immunities of citizens in the several states.” It will be interesting to watch the decision of the courts relative to what constitutes citizenship and abridgement of “privileges and immunities.”

Women and love will find the way.

Ethel Varnish
New Toulouse

New York, July 31.—Charles E. Hughes tonight pledged himself to “a policy of firmness and consistency” in dealing with Mexico if elected to the presidency.

Accepting the formally tendered Republican nomination Hughes charged the sinking of the Lusitania, with all loss of American lives in that and subsequent U-boat disasters, together with the loss of national prestige abroad, to the weakness and vacillation of the Wilson administration.

He unequivocally endorsed the extension of suffrage to women.

He denounced “all plots and conspiracies in the interest of any foreign nation.”

Declaring the nation to be “shockingly unprepared,” he declared “for adequate protection on both our western and eastern coasts.”

In this he included both adequate army and greatly reinforced navy.

The present national prosperity Hughes characterized as a “fool’s paradise” brought about by the “abnormal conditions of war,” and he advocates as a needful safeguard against an “energized Europe” which will follow the close of the war “protective upbuilding policies” which shall be applied “fairly, without abuses, in as scientific manner as possible.”

Madam Editor,

Nearly four million women will vote in the coming presidential election in November. The states in which women can vote and the number of women over 21 years of age in each state according to the census of 1910, are as follows:

Illinois, 1,567,491
California, 671,336
Kansas, 438,934
Colorado, 213,425
Washington, 277,727
Oregon, 168,323
Arizona, 43,891
Utah, 85,729
Montana, 81,741
Idaho, 69,818
Wyoming, 28,840
Nevada, 18,140

Woman are at last receiving some consideration in the enactment of laws in the State of Louisiana. At the session of the legislature, which has just adjourned, an act was introduced and passed defining the capacity of married women, that is, that now married women will have the right to buy and dispose of their own property without the authorization of their husbands. If the State is not completely corrupted by giving this right to women, perhaps succeeding legislatures will be a little more liberal in their grants.

Miss Anna Morrell
Covington, La.

Baton Rouge, La., May 27.—Chickens of all species are sacred henceforth.

To appropriate one, be it feathered or not, is a felony under the terms of a bill of which Representative John L. Kelly gave notice in the House Monday.

But Dr. Kelly does not stop at that. His bill includes all domestic animals, whatever that means, nor does he draw any line to show whether the theft must be committed when the animals are alive, so that the thief who first killed his prey and then stole it would be equally guilty.

Chickens, dressed and otherwise, are therefore protected.

In addition Dr. Kelly wishes to save our tempers, wherefore he makes it a felony even to get a man’s goat.

In the title alone of the bill he provides for the protection of chickens, turkeys, ducks, geese, hogs, sheep, goats and dogs. What the bill itself will contain is being looked forward to by members with eager anticipation.

Dear Madam,

I am sure other readers of this estimable publication were as shocked as I to learn of the untimely demise of Mayor-Elect Mr. R. E. Mains. However, let us not dwell on melancholy subjects, but reflect for a moment on what it means for our fair City. However genuine he may have been, Mr. Mains was not a native of New Toulouse. He could not possibly hope to understand what makes us “tick,” as it were. High ideals and fine ideas are all very well and good, but Taloosters live in the real world. I am afraid Mr. Mains and his “policies” were simply too rarefied for us down-to-earth and simple folk. By contrast Mayor Godenot is one of us. He is a Talooster to his fingertips. Let us not rejoice at the loss of a life, but remain conscious that Fate has thrown us a much-needed lifeline. It is time to look to the future; I look forward to Mayor Godenot’s continuing patronage of my humble establishment.

I should also like to mention, without starting any wild rumors or speculation of the kind I abhor, that the Mains family tomb appears to have been paid for by a lady whose reputation in New Toulouse is hardly of the highest. It is to be hoped that she does not lose the mausoleum in a poker game, as the new owners might well evict the sitting tenants, and we have zombies enough without adding to their number.

I remain, yours faithfully

Francesca Alva

New Toulouse chose Richard Mains as the new mayor in Saturday’s election, but he will never occupy that office.

When Mrs. Ethel Varnish, proprietress of 26 Basin Street, entered the top floor of that establishment to change the linens, she found Mr. Richard E. Mains dead in his chair. The face bore a ghastly expression of fright.

Mr. Mains had been dead for several hours when the body was discovered Sunday morning, according to Dr. X. Y. Zedaker, who was called on the case. The death was probably due to apoplexy.

The office of mayor goes to the candidate with the next-highest number of votes: Mr. Henri Godenot, the incumbent.

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Jack Mondieu is ready to return to a quiet life of journalism but is still committed to destroying the sun in his spare time.

In a stunning upset in yesterday’s election, challenger Richard E. Mains has defeated the incumbent mayor, Henri Godenot.

“I thought I had it locked up,” said Godenot. “In fact, every person I talked to told me that he had voted for me!”

It was a campaign like none New Toulouse had ever seen. Mayor Godenot, a stalwart of the Regular Alliance Organization, received 9 votes in yesterday’s election; the victor, Mains, ran on the new Citizens’ Party ticket and took 11 votes. Jack Mondieu, representing the Destroy the Sun Party, had a very respectable showing, with 5 votes, or 20 percent of the total. Voter turnout was 113 percent.

Mr. Mains was jubilant at his victory party. Between toasts of “We did it!” and “Champagne for everyone!” he explained his campaign and his plans for the city. “We had a simple message—that elected officials in this city were corrupt and needed to be replaced. Without those rascals skimming from the city coffers, we can afford improved education for our children, better drainage, and a cheaper, fairer tax base.”

In his concession speech, Mr. Godenot said, “It is with a heavy heart that I am here to concede the mayoral election to my opponent, Richard Mains. Mains ran a good, clean campaign, and he will make you a fine mayor. Please give him the support that you didn’t give me. Thank you, those of you who voted for me, and rest well, those of you who didn’t. With the election over, I plan to spend some time away, but I’ll be back to look over my business concerns. Keep a watchful eye on the bayou, and stay safe and dry this hurricane season.”

Today I found Mr. Godenot in his old office in City Hall, making notes on a large yellow pad from a huge stack of files. He looked haggard and tired. “It’s my own fault,” he admitted. “I spent a lot of money for votes, and that was probably making my opponent’s claims ring true. I would have been better off if I had bought Mondieu’s endorsement and given women the vote. I’m very popular with the fairer sex in New Toulouse—it’s their husbands who don’t like me. Beedit and Francesca wrote very nice testimonials for me, and if they’d been able to vote for me, I would have tied him. And if I had bought Mondieu’s endorsement and gotten his votes, I would have beaten Mains outright.”

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Gigi Lapin lives in New Toulouse Bayou with her pet crawfish, Jimbo.

In the caption of yesterday’s “Sightings,” the word “protest” was accidentally used in place of “hullabaloo.” We regret the error.

Fellow-citizens,

I want to take a plank from the platform of my worthy opponent, Mr. Jack Mondieu. Mr. Mondieu has claimed that if elected, he will lower your rent and taxes. That is a wonderful sentiment, but meaningless when it comes from a man whose party platform demands the destruction of the sun. But it is a fine idea, and I will offer the same promise. If elected as mayor, I will clean up the government, reduce expenses, and reduce your rent and taxes. I know that I can do this, because I know that I can remove the waste in the city budget.

Richard Mains
Citizen’s Party candidate for mayor of New Toulouse