New Toulouse

Radio reports indicate that New Toulouse’s own Calamares, inbound from Guatemala with a cargo of coffee, bananas, and citrus, is leaking and in danger of sinking after encountering a storm in the Gulf of Mexico. Newly built by Workman, Clark and Co., of Belfast, and under the command of our very own Alcide LeBlanc, the Calamares is one of the newest, best-equipped refrigerator ships in the world. Captain LeBlanc’s parents are vacationing in the north and could not be located for comment.

The Tattler has compiled the following reports related to this treacherous storm:

• Oct. 2: Reefer Limon reports a tropical storm 100 nautical miles north of Grenada, wind speed estimated at 35 knots.
• Oct. 3: Weather station Kingstown reports a severe storm passing west of St. Vincent Island, wind estimated at 50 knots.
• Oct. 4: Steamer Argentine reports a tropical storm 240 miles north of Caracas, Venezuela.
• Oct. 5: Weather station Port-au-Prince reports a hurricane passing directly south, at some distance, moving northwest. Landfall on US Gulf Coast expected October 10 or 11.
• Oct. 6: Weather station Kingston (Jamaica) reports a major hurricane passing directly south, track estimated to be northwest, range estimated at 150 miles, winds in excess of 100 knots.
• Oct. 7: Weather station Havana reports a major hurricane passing 200 nautical miles west, storm track is north-northwest, landfall is expected between Galveston and Mobile on October 11.
• Oct. 8: Measured winds indicate that the storm is 300 nautical miles south of New Toulouse, landfall expected on Louisiana coast in 48–72 hours.
• Oct. 8: Reefer Venus, position unknown, reports heavy seas and hurricane-force winds.
• Oct. 8: Steamer Calamares reports storm damage, taking on water, sinking imminent, 100 miles southwest of New Toulouse. Cargo of coffee and bananas flooded, running north before storm to attempt grounding before swelling cargo ruptures hull.

The new intra-bayou ferry means it’s time for a new transit map. Here are our notes on the various routes:

Purple: Desire, a streetcar. She stops at the French Market, Laveau Square, and the police station, but feel free to hop on and off anywhere along the way. (Try not to get run over.)

Gold: This ferry takes you along the levee from the French Market dock to where the library is docked. It is mainly used by people with very sore feet.

Blue: This ferry connects the library dock to the main bayou dock and train station. If going from city to bayou, use this short ride to check that you have plenty of ammo.

Red: Mamou, once a streetcar, now repurposed for bayou rail travel. She connects the depot and the east end of the bayou. If you walk along the tracks, try not to be on the bridge at the same time Mamou wants to use it.

Green: This new ferry allows easy travel from the main bayou landmass to the islands—and incidentally makes for a pleasant tour, as long as you’re not worried about gators.

Silver: This marks the footpaths provided by the parish. The east-west one is in pretty good shape, but the north-south one will probably just slide off into the water any day now.

Citizens of New Toulouse, there has been a lot of rumor-mongering going on lately, and we would like to clear a few things up. There was no horrible cargo ship accident at the levee behind the Green-eyed Fairy. No “random screaming” or “squelching and eating noises” occurred. And certainly there was never an enormous “air-kraken” involved; neither were the eggs of this figment in the hold of the mythical cargo ship.

If any of the above had indeed happened, you can be certain that City Hall would have been on top of the situation, pronto, even though we don’t actually have a City Hall. That’s never stopped us before! Please ignore any glowing green balls, and have a nice day.

Henri Godenot is the mayor of New Toulouse.

The French Market Dock ferry now runs from the French Market to the Bayou Ferry Landing. It is the latest public transportation route in New Toulouse and New Toulouse Bayou constructed by local government, bringing the total number of routes to four including ferries and trolleys.

“This will be the heart of the city,” said Pazzo Pestana, a city administrator in charge of transportation, pointing to the French Market Dock that, along with the new ferry, is part of a major renovation and revitalization program in New Toulouse. “This is going to be the landing point, so there will be a lot of info and things to interest people.”

“Right now,” said Pestana, “you can board the trolley at the eastern end of the line in New Toulouse Bayou, get off at the station, take the ferry across, change to the Market Dock ferry, then get off at the French Market, hop on the streetcar named Desire, and ride around New Toulouse.”

There are no restrictions on flying, but as Pestana puts it, “With the ferry, the hope is that people will slow down and enjoy the scenery.”

The map below shows public transportation provided by the city government.

Habana Jazz is a resident of New Toulouse and calls his mother every week.