New Toulouse

New Toulouse has entered its ninth year in existence, and as is the custom, the mayor today gave a speech honoring the founders. In attendance this year was New Toulouse founder Miss Carricre Wind (also known as “Mama Cree”), whom Mayor Godenot asked to say a few words.

“Enri mentioned that there is a founder here with us today, and that is really really true,” said Miss Wind. “In fact, there is more than one! When Taloo was built, the grid was full of cities where everything was perfect and rigid … and stuck up! That was terrible, though, so we build a place where everyone can be whatever they are—cannons on roofs, flying cars, whatever—be as dirty or clean as you need or want to! So it’s always been that everyone here helps found the place, by adding to what was there and growing the weirdness more and more every year! Keep it up, you glorious people!”

Amid cheers, Mayor Godenot performed the ritual Founder’s Day “Leap of Faith” and landed squarely in the bucket, traditionally ensuring the city good luck for the year ahead. A performance by Mr. Zachh Cale, pianist and singer, near the No. 23 Firehouse was the highlight of the street party that followed, with lovely stage decoration and refreshments provided by Miz Kristine Jinx-Kristan.

Photo credit: Liza Veliz

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Gigi Lapin lives in New Toulouse Bayou with her pet crawfish, Jimbo.

In recent days, our fair city has seen an influx of foreign visitors, in response to the Beacon Spiritualist Institute’s call for ghost hunters. The society is cataloging ghost sightings and legends from all over the state. As reported by my colleague Jack Mondieu, several New Toulouse business and community leaders have volunteered to offer rewards as an incentive to ensure that our local ghosts are well represented. Intrigued by some of the stories I was hearing from the hunt headquarters, I set out to get more information about these rewards.

Jack was out of the office, but even the most intrepid of reporters is not foolish enough to hunt ghosts alone, so I enlisted the aid of my neighbor, Ms. Kristine Jinx-Kristan. Armed with lanterns and notepads, we followed the trail of the ghost hunters and learned quite a bit about our local haunts. For those who may still be in the process of hunting, I won’t spoil those stories here.

Suffice it to say, we made it back to headquarters minus our shoes, plus a few gray hairs and a case of the creeps. But that’s when things got weird.

After we returned to headquarters with sufficient proof that we had visited plenty of haunted sites in town, we were given an armload of boxes and vouchers for various services, and instructed very mysteriously not to open anything at headquarters.

Some of the prizes were what you would expect from local businesses sponsoring an event—clothing with logos, beautiful handcrafted curios, useful items to have around the house. We unpacked some of those in the Tattler office.

Many of the prizes were definitely geared toward the interests of the type of tourists who might come to town specifically to chase ghosts: spooky decor, eerie illustrations, and furniture and artifacts associated with haunted sites. The prize from the French Market Apothecary included a voucher for free fortune-telling, so we stopped in to see what was in store for us.

The seers told me, “Many will travel to hear you speak.” To Ms. Jinx-Kristan, they said, “Your mind is your greatest asset.” I was a little sad that I hadn’t brought Jack, because I imagine his fortune would be fascinating. We thanked the seers and went to open our last prize, which awaited us on the dock near the French Market.

It was at this point that we realized we’d forgotten the time-honored New Toulouse tradition of hazing the tourists. Really, being locals, we should have known better, but we pried open the crate anyway … and that is the story of how my neighbor and I ended up running for our lives through the market, in our socks, to get away from a gator so hungry that he’d brought his own condiments.

In summary, there were some wonderful treasures awaiting us after finishing the ghost hunt, although the best prizes were the local ghost stories themselves. If you haven’t started the tour yet, it runs until Nov. 23, and it’s definitely worth your time. Just make sure you bring a light source, an extra pair of shoes, and maybe a big stick.

Trust us.

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Jane Moreaux keeps all four eyes on New Toulouse. Kristine Jinx-Kristan owns Look What the Cat Dragged In, a secondhand store on the ground floor of Spiegel Hall.

Familiar to Taloosters for her secondhand shop, Look What the Cat Dragged In, Ms. Kristine Jinx-Kristan has lately established a haven for homeless cats. Seeing the sign out front advertising a pre-Halloween black cat adoption drive, naturally I had to find out more. Luckily Miz KK was on the premises.

What made you decide to open a cat shelter?

Ever since the horrific catburger scandal, I have tried to keep an eye out the feline population of New Toulouse. While most of them are quite independent and only need food left out in the park occasionally, some have grown accustomed to making themselves at home at my apartment and shop. They are of course quite welcome, but after a customer returned two rugs and a loveseat claiming they caused sneezing fits in her husband, I decided they needed their own place of refuge.

Why a black cat adoption drive before Halloween?

It is a myth that black cats are especially in danger before Halloween. Many shelters refuse to adopt out black cats in October for fear they will be abused by pranksters or worse. I feel that they are in more danger on the streets, as any cat is, all year round. My main goal is to find them loving, forever homes. My adoption screening and fees help ensure that anyone wishing to have one of my precious darlings is of good morals and means.

Additionally, along with neutering and socialization, each cat has been taught a secret, and if things get too weird, I will come and personally extract them and bring them back to safety.

These cats seem very well looked after, even pampered. Would you consider taking in a stray human? I’m getting tired of sleeping on the Tattler office couch.

I’m sure we could arrange something. My sole volunteer—Kevin, who attends the info desk—could use a break from time to time. Bless his heart.

The Bayou Street Adoptive Home For Unhoused Cats and Kittens is located northwest of Laveau Square on the corner of Bayou Street and Bogus Alley. Taloosters are encouraged to stop in and socialize with the cats anytime, even if they aren’t thinking of adopting.

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Jack Mondieu, Ace Reporter, is a figment of your imagination.

Surrealists gathered in Spiegel Hall Saturday to celebrate the first annual Surrealist Ball, sponsored by the Krewe of Bast. Guests arriving were announced by the Great Big Eye at the entrance shouting, “Has anybody seen my gal?”

Krewe members had transformed the auditorium into a phantasmagorical tableau in which the attendees in fantastical garb cavorted, engaged in wordplay, and sampled from the extraordinary buffet provided by Kristine Jinx-Kristan. The food, while often inedible, was often quite audible; for example, an amuse-bouche called “Two Matches. One New, One Burned. Garnished with Mint,” said when prompted, “The sisters of St. Cathode ask that you cover yourself with filaments and take pains to make yourself fully incandescent this evening.”

By popular demand, the decorations will remain up for the coming week, and persons wishing to take home the buffet may do so by consulting the poster on the table.

Nikita Weymann led a game of Exquisite Corpse, asking individuals for words. “And then,” she said, “I will glue them all together and feed them to a snail.” Game participants were Alterego Mee, RMarie Beedit, Kristine Jinx-Kristan, Liza Veliz, Gamaliel, Dr. Avalon, Francesca Alva, Crispin Sturges, Harley Mihnea, Carter Denja, Ghosty Kips, Eilidh McCullough, Maggie Hawksby, Pazzo Pestana, and Gragarth, who together produced the following three sentences, each contained in a snail that is still obtainable in the Spiegel Hall auditorium:

The oblivious feather hungrily leaned the laggy tea.

The attenuated friction fetidly confabulated the crumbly antimacassar.

The ugsome pineapple mindlessly wobbled the delicious elbow.

DJ Ghosty Kips supplied a gloriously madcap set of meticulously mapped-out music to the cheering congregation. “Please hold your tomatoes,” he entreated, warning of an upcoming song. “Hold your friend’s tomatoes if necessary.” At least two persons metamorphosed into the delicious nightshade fruit in response.

“Oh no, I spent half an hour getting dressed,” said Ohdearme Ohmai. “I’m not changing into a tomato yet.”

Photo credits: Kristine Jinx-Kristan, Henri Godenot.

See more photos here and here.

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A. Flyonthewall is rarely this loquacious.

The Krewe of Bast invites you to attend the first annual Surrealist Ball, to be held in the Spiegel Hall auditorium this Saturday, August 23, beginning at 1:00 PM. Expect strange music by DJ Ghosty Kips, peculiar amuse-bouches by Kristine Jinx-Kristan, and singular decor “done entirely by cats,” according to a krewe representative. Those unsure what to wear to such an event may wish to examine the many free avatars available at Meta-Body II.

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Gigi Lapin resides on Basin Street with her pet crawfish, Jimbo.

Sister Butta threw a housewarming party for Trolley Trollop in the Red Drum courtyard to celebrate Trolley’s new digs at Red Drum Place. The music was provided by La Freese, and the party theme was flappers—flappers with bananas. They were there to lure the Tunnel Man. The bananas were. Well, all of us were.

And it worked! Kristine Jinx-Kristan spotted him in a cupboard under the bar. He wanted bananas and drinks. Then he climbed up in the kraken chandelier, and then he realized he was afraid of heights.

How exciting! Most of us had never seen him. He looked like a monkey, and he acted like a monkey. Could this really be Tunnel Man?

Poppy Valentine suggested, “Maybe we should put out two cages. One with a banana and one with a dark-haired girl. And see what he chooses.”

Then they all stared at me. I refused to get into a cage.

I feel sorry for the poor little fellow. Edward Ramsey has been talking about tar and feathers. Doctor Avalon wants to lobotomize him, like she wants to do with our cool reporter Jack Mondieu.

I hope I made everyone feel uncomfortable about their behavior when I asked them if this was a lynch mob. Shouldn’t everyone get a fair trial before getting lobotomized?

If the mob hands him over to Doctor Avalon, I will call the NTSPCA for sure.

So it seems the monkey, now called “Tunnel Monkey,” is still around. And someone is leaving banana peels all over town. Be careful, they are quite slippery.

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Photos courtesy of Ms. Sister Butta, Ms. Arijah Ankh Khalid-Zyn, and Ms. Liza Veliz.

Liza Veliz, being a ghost, has no fear of Tunnel Man or Beast and loves everyone and everything.

Last year, Kristine Jinx-Kristan closed up her gallery on Shotgun Row and headed off to see the world. She rode back into town at Mardi Gras on the back of the Bast Krewe float, but soon she discovered that settling down requires sacrifice. So, Ms. Jinx-Kristan—KK to her friends—opened a secondhand store, “Look What the Cat Dragged In,” on the ground floor of Spiegel Hall.

“I’d just come off a year of traveling in which I seem to have acquired a lot of … stuff,” she explained. “I had the chance to become one of the first residents of Spiegel Hall, and didn’t have room for it all.”

There is a wide variety of treasures in Jinx-Kristan’s shop, from furniture to flying pigs. (The “greeter” flying around the front of the store is named Porky von Schweinenburg).

“I am pretty selective of what I put in the shop. I want things that appeal to the community, but also unusual or unique collectibles as well.”

So far, mechanical horses and unicorns—which Jinx-Kristan points out are hard to store—seem to be selling well, as are music boxes. “I parted with a rare collectible one just this morning,” she said. “I was sad to part with it, but I know it will be enjoyed. Plus rent was due.”

The shop’s inventory was originally a personal garage sale—”I like to think I have some pretty nice junk,” Jinx-Kristan said—but business has been so successful that she has begun showing off her hunting skills.

“I’m always out looking for deals. I’ve had a few requests that I’ve tracked down. I like to think if I don’t have it, I can find it for you. Otherwise it doesn’t exist … yet.”

The store owner so enjoys tracking down a hard-to-find item that she doesn’t even charge extra for the service. Right now she’s on the lookout for nice rugs. “I don’t know what I’ll do if the one I have down now is bought, as it’s covering a few scratches on the flooring that I need to hide from the landlord. Some of the furniture is pretty heavy.”

Jinx-Kristan, who comes from the deserts of the southwest but whose family hails from Sas-cat-chewan, is happy to be back in New Toulouse, and particularly in Spiegel Hall.

“The park has always been one of my favorite places, so I love being near it,” she said. “I think Spiegel Hall has a great future in New Toulouse. I’m just really happy to be here. Everyone has been wonderful and friendly. I hope I can keep the shop going for a long time, and that people have fun looking around, even if they aren’t buying that day.”

“Look What the Cat Dragged In” is at #02 Spiegel Hall.

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Jane Moreaux keeps all four eyes on New Toulouse.