Letter to the editor

by Nikita Weymann on February 5th, 2013

Dear Madam Editor,

It is with a heavy heart and drooping ears that I bring a matter of serious concern to the attention of the Tattler and the community of New Toulouse. Recently, upon my visit to the French Market Dock to appreciate the new Ferry, I paused to browse the market stalls located there. Imagine my horror when I saw, right alongside my favorite fishmonger, a vendor with fare so foul as Urchin Food Franchyzez currently offers. I cannot imagine how the proprietor obtained a passing grade on a Health Inspection (not to mention a spelling test) with their current menu items. Now, being of the feline persuasion, I do love a well-prepared rodent-based dish. However, on the menu, amongst the Mysteree Stew and the Vegable Curri, I saw a dish so mortifying that it made my blood run cold and caused me to bristle so fiercely that I do believe I levitated for a moment.

I am speaking, of course, of Catburgers—brazenly advertised with a picture of a live kitten. I found this so offensive I could barely finish my Rat-on-a-Stick.

ermagerd, catbergerz

Upon my inquiry, the ersatz chef refused to provide any information of his ingredients (or speak at all), and I fear and suspect that they are locally sourced. Therefore, I urge the community to boycott Urchin Food Franchyzez in hopes that this gruesome gourmet will close up shop and peddle his grim gastronomy elsewhere. Furthermore, until the dock is cleansed of this stain on New Toulouse, I shall be keeping my beloved companions Monty and Taffy indoors, as I fear for their lives, and dare I say my own as well.

With Hackles Raised,

Kristine Jinx-Kristan

Galerie du Chat-fille

No. 7 Shotgun Row, New Toulouse

CC: New Toulouse Department of Health, NTSPCA

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