New Toulouse

Madam Editor,

I am writing in response to Miss Jane Moreaux’s recent editorial speaking out against the candidacy of Mr. Jack Mondieu.

Aside from the fact that it seems in very poor form to allow your staff to use this paper as a forum to squabble in public, I couldn’t help but notice that Miss Moreaux seems to be the pot calling the kettle black. Yes, Mr. Mondieu has a drinking problem. This is New Toulouse—who doesn’t? But Miss Moreaux—whose windows are frequently shuttered and whose byline disappears for months at a time—is well known for her addiction to opium. Her neighbors know that she has gone away several times for “rest.” There have been multiple occasions where she has been too incapacitated to meet her obligations. Do you know how thick the smoke is at that bayou camp where she frequently finds Mr. Mondieu sleeping off a hangover in the shed? It seems quite hypocritical for her to condemn her colleague for a little booze.

And yes, I absolutely can imagine a Mayor Mondieu knowing how to handle a city in distress over too much rain—that is what his rhetoric about destroying the sun means, I am certain.

Moreover, I absolutely agree with Miss Moreaux that women in Louisiana should have the vote, but I object to the idea that no women in New Toulouse would vote for Mr. Mondieu. A woman employs him, after all.

Up until now, I haven’t helped Mr. Mondieu afford his new campaign headquarters—but I’m going to make a donation as soon as I drop this letter in the box.

VOTE MONDIEU
Bernard Savoy,
Concerned Citizen

Turkey Trouble
Eighteen fine fat turkeys were stolen from the Frye & Co. butcher shop last night by burglars. Entrance to the shop was gained by ripping off part of the screening on a front door.

Uncivil Cyclist
Riding along Royal Street between Wikifoo Way and Peach Alley Sunday night, without lights or warning signal, an unidentified bicyclist struck J. Fordyce, age 70, and bowled him over in the mud. Fordyce’s nose was broken and he suffered internal injuries. The cyclist continued on his way without stopping. Police officers are making a search for the cyclist.

Dope Den
Three men were arrested by detectives Saturday night at French Market #3-B on a charge of smoking opium. Sgt. Guy and seven officers confiscated three pipes and a “hop layout.”