Posts Tagged ‘meteorites’

New Toulouse resident practices science

by on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

Miss Maggie Hawksby strongly cautions residents to heed the warning on their toulousite meteorite specimens.

Miss Hawksby, of New Toulouse, watered her display specimen of toulousite.

The specimen came from a chunk of the main mass of the meteorite that Miss Liza Veliz found on October 26. Miss Veliz was doing her civic duty, energetically searching for the new weird glowing mushrooms, when she literally tripped over the huge meteorite. She sent it to the Bureau of Scientific Inquiry and collected a cash reward. The BSI is convinced that the meteorite is the one reported here in early October. The BSI has been giving trophy specimens of the meteorite as a bounty for collecting the glowing mushrooms that have been popping up all over Bayou. Each specimen has an attractive little plaque saying, “Toulousite: A Nickel-Iron Meteorite, whose fall was observed in the Community of New Toulouse. A thank-you gift from the Bureau of Scientific Inquiry (Keep this sample dry).”
toulousite-specimen
Miss Hawksby, being of a curious mind, undertook her own science experiment. She wanted to answer that ageless question that has plagued mankind since rocks first fell from the sky: “I wonder what what would happen if I watered my meteorite?”

Miss Hawksby knew she had a problem when the mushroom that began growing burst through the ceiling of Mr. Elwood Dowd’s home in New Toulouse Bayou, where she conducted her experiment. She tried cutting it down, but it grew faster than she could cut it back. As it grew, she says, it became strangely warm, even hot. When it began to break through the walls and roof, she called for help.

“Frankly, and I hope he doesn’t read this, but the mayor does not have much of a sense of humor,” Miss Hawksby said. “He yelled at me, kind of rudely, ‘Oh, no, not again! I am not going to fix the house, Miss Hawksby! This is not my problem!’ Fortunately, he also yelled for Mr. Pestana.”

Miss Hawksby thought it would be a good idea to summon the kraken, but Mayor Godenot reportedly said, “You want my sea monster, capable of tossing an entire ship, to eat your radioactive and possibly hallucinogenic fungus? No way. Besides, krakens don’t exist.”

But Pazzo Pestana, said Miss Hawksby, was “cool as a cucumber,” suggesting that zombies could take care of the situation. “So I sprinkled that mushroom with graveyard dust, and Pazzo lured a zombie in. Henri wanted to smear the mushroom with brains, but that was dumb. Where would you get that many human brains at short notice?”

Allegedly undoctored photograph of the residence of Elwood P. Dowd, with large fungus

Allegedly undoctored photograph of the residence of Elwood P. Dowd, with large fungus


According to Miss Hawksby, the graveyard dust attracted numerous zombies, who ate away at the huge mushroom. “Big chunks were falling off and sprouting new mushrooms, and the zombies were swarming over those, too.” The mushroom, she says, continued warming up until it caught fire. Fortunately the house was too damp to attract the blaze.

Today there is no evidence of this incident. The roof of Mr. Dowd’s house appears to have been patched recently, and Mr. Dowd is away on business. Mayor Godenot reportedly contacted the Bureau of Scientific Inquiry, advising them to varnish all future meteorite samples to keep them dry, but this reporter was unable to confirm this.

“Chalk one up for science,” said Miss Hawksby. “At least we know why you shouldn’t water the meteorites. But those glowing mushrooms were pretty neat. I wonder why the mushroom collection instructions said not to put more than twenty of them in a bucket.”


Gigi Lapin resides in New Toulouse Bayou with her pet crawfish, Jimbo.

Mushroom hunters sought

by on Saturday, October 26th, 2013

Mayor Godenot

Mayor Godenot


In an impassioned speech at Laveau Square last evening, Mayor Henri Godenot called upon the good folk of the community to come to his aid.

“Dear citizens of New Toulouse,” he said, “I need your help. While looking for meteorite chunks from last week’s sighting, I found some strange mushrooms. I sent some to a science lab, and they strongly recommended that we remove all of these mushrooms from the area.”

Turning to an assistant, he took a pair of tongs and used them to remove a mushroom from a lidded container. The remarkable specimen had an eerie green glow in the dusk. “Please do your part to help search for these undesirable fungi,” said Godenot. “If every resident finds twenty mushrooms, we should be able to get them all. And in cooperation with the Bureau of Scientific Inquiry and several members of the community, the City is prepared to offer rewards.”

The mayor’s office shared with us the content of a letter from the laboratory, which we reproduce here on page 12.

If you would like to help, go to the Land Office to obtain a fungus hunter’s kit.


Jack Mondieu, Ace Reporter, is a figment of your imagination.

Meteor sighted over New Toulouse

by on Saturday, October 12th, 2013

A blinding light filled the skies above New Toulouse and Bayou last night.

Our astronomer friend, Miss Eugenie Theriot, home from college to visit her parents, said, “Meteorite, it had to be a meteorite. No way was it a space kraken.”

When asked how she could be so sure, she said, “Quite simple, really. First, several people witnessed seeing it going from south to north right over town. Frannie Alva said it passed to the east of her. Mirri Rosca said it passed to the west of her. Both of them said it was moving really fast and going straight north and ‘it probably landed just over there.’

“Second, no pieces. Everyone knows that large meteorites have such enormous kinetic energy that they convert into heat on impact. They vaporize on impact and never leave pieces. Since no one has found any pieces, this is just exactly like a meteorite strike.

“Third, it’s obvious—krakens don’t exist.”

Miss Theriot went on to explain that a meteorite is a perfectly natural phenomenon caused by the entry of a small rock from space into Earth’s atmosphere.

“Yes, really, it’s a rock from space, and not a giant orange invertebrate that lays small green eggs that get into everything and everyone. And if someone finds it, it’s worth a heap of money.”

When reminded that a damn Yankee once tried to besmirch old Thomas Jefferson’s reputation by claiming that old TJ said, “I would sooner believe that a Yankee professor would lie rather that rocks would fall from the sky,” Miss Theriot commented, “Piffle. Those guys were really old. And this is the twentieth century.”

Miss Gigi Damour, who was looking after Mayor Godenot’s chickens while he was away, noticed that all of the chickens were gone today. She also reported that Henri’s third horse, the flashy palomino, was completely missing. Miss Nikita Weymann, aware that Godenot was away on business, thinks he may have taken the palomino with him.


Gigi Lapin resides in New Toulouse Bayou with her pet crawfish, Jimbo.