Posts Tagged ‘mushrooms’

Mondieu Reviews

by on Saturday, December 20th, 2014

1jackmondieu

New Toulouse on a Budget

Various locations
New Toulouse

Woke up at predawn with a terrible thirst. I’m at the Hôtel Sur le Toit, a Gloryville rooftop flop. Drank a couple cups of joe and breakfasted on marshmallows roasted over a burning Christmas tree. Need water or something, maybe some toast. Checked my pockets: L$30, less L$10 now for the room and board. At the alleyway entrance to the hotel, some derelict has set up house in a crate. My accommodations last night were practically posh in comparison.
jack-hotel
Passing by Lafitte’s. Ugh, fish nog is responsible for the evil elves tapdancing behind my eyeballs. I’d tell Morty the barkeep to go to hell, except I think he has a vacation spot there already. Anyway I can’t afford hair of the dog right now.
jack-lafittes
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What’s Cookin’

by on Thursday, May 22nd, 2014

whats-cookin
Dear Miz Beedit,
 
I have finally taken the plunge and moved out of the proverbial parents’ basement to make it on my own in the world. This means that now I’m entirely responsible for stuffing my own craw full of presumably nourishing things. Do you have a good recipe for a new bachelorette?
 
Miz Soto


Miss Hax,

Congratulations upon your foray into independence, rent checks, utilities, and foraging for the ever-evasive home-cooked meal. 

Of course the first thing that comes to mind isn’t the utilitarian craw-stuffing material, but rather a dish to elevate the senses for comparably few pennies. If you’re clever—and I know that you are—you’ll only dirty one pan. Your guests will look on in curiosity as you stir and pour by the stove with your primitive wooden spoon (I use my Italian grandmother’s). But when you serve this pile of heaven, conversation will lapse as their mouths revel in your awesomeness. Not a euphemism.


Mushroom Risotto

Thanks to Biba Caggiano for inspiring this recipe. Her book Trattoria is great.

5 oz. (or more) fresh wild mushrooms, chopped (porcini, chantrelles, portobello, etc.)
Olive oil
Garlic
1/2 cup dry white wine
Salt
Pepper
3 tablespoons butter (vegans, substitute another fat)
2 small onions, finely chopped
2 cups Arborio rice
1 cup dry white wine
6 cups chicken or veggie stock
Parsley

Heat the olive oil in a medium frying pan until it smokes, and sauté the mushrooms for 3–5 minutes, until golden.

Toss in some chopped garlic and 1/2 cup or more of dry white wine. Let the wine almost reduce, season with salt and lots of pepper, and set aside.

Melt the butter in a large skillet and toss in the onion; sauté till translucent. Add the Arborio rice and stir to coat with butter.

Add the wine, and stir the rice with a wooden spoon until the wine is almost absorbed.

Turn the heat under the risotto to medium and continue to stir it, adding about 3/4 cup of stock at a time—6 cups of stock in all. (I also add water from soaking dried mushrooms, which makes the mushroom flavor very rich.)

When most of the stock is absorbed and the risotto is soft but not gummy (it’s almost chewy, like there’s still a tiny, hard granule inside the individual grains), add the mushrooms and some chopped fresh parsley, and stir the risotto well.

Garnish with more parsley when serving. Enjoy! 


Miss Beedit recently inherited a breezy old shotgun house in New Toulouse. She welcomes trespassers and can predict your future.

Dangerous fungus gone, says mayor

by on Tuesday, November 19th, 2013

According to a statement issued by the mayor’s office today, the strange glowing mushrooms that infested the bayou have been completely eradicated.

“Thanks to the tireless efforts of our citizens, we have managed to remove the threat of the mushroom Agarica toulousica from New Toulouse and environs,” said Mayor Henri Godenot. “Finally we can all breathe a sigh of relief and return to eating delicious mushroom-based dishes.”

When asked about reports of mysterious “eyeball plant” sightings, Mayor Godenot dismissed them as “hogwash,” adding with a laugh, “I’ve seen just about as many krakens.”


Jack Mondieu, Ace Reporter, is a figment of your imagination.

Fungus threat grows

by on Saturday, November 2nd, 2013

One week since Mayor Godenot’s call for help, glowing mushrooms continue to infest the bayou—and now they may be spreading to the City of New Toulouse.

Overnight, the Tattler received an anonymous tip alerting us to the existence of the mushroom Agaricus toulousica in the city.

We can confirm that there are indeed glowing mushrooms in the park maintained by Mr. Langlinais.

The photograph accompanying the anonymous note

The photograph accompanying the anonymous note


Mr. Langlinais lives in a treehouse in the bayou; perhaps he inadvertantly carried Agaricus toulousica spores over to the city on his shoes.

In addition, a source within City Hall says the Bureau of Scientific Inquiry has sent the mayor another letter. The missive, which can be seen on page 10, contains revised and worrisome instructions for the safe handling of the mushrooms.

We urge every person reading this report to spread the word, and to aid in the effort to eradicate the fungoid menace.


The staff of the New Toulouse Tattler have an unusual craving for shrimp-stuffed mushrooms.

New Toulouse resident practices science

by on Tuesday, October 29th, 2013

Miss Maggie Hawksby strongly cautions residents to heed the warning on their toulousite meteorite specimens.

Miss Hawksby, of New Toulouse, watered her display specimen of toulousite.

The specimen came from a chunk of the main mass of the meteorite that Miss Liza Veliz found on October 26. Miss Veliz was doing her civic duty, energetically searching for the new weird glowing mushrooms, when she literally tripped over the huge meteorite. She sent it to the Bureau of Scientific Inquiry and collected a cash reward. The BSI is convinced that the meteorite is the one reported here in early October. The BSI has been giving trophy specimens of the meteorite as a bounty for collecting the glowing mushrooms that have been popping up all over Bayou. Each specimen has an attractive little plaque saying, “Toulousite: A Nickel-Iron Meteorite, whose fall was observed in the Community of New Toulouse. A thank-you gift from the Bureau of Scientific Inquiry (Keep this sample dry).”
toulousite-specimen
Miss Hawksby, being of a curious mind, undertook her own science experiment. She wanted to answer that ageless question that has plagued mankind since rocks first fell from the sky: “I wonder what what would happen if I watered my meteorite?”

Miss Hawksby knew she had a problem when the mushroom that began growing burst through the ceiling of Mr. Elwood Dowd’s home in New Toulouse Bayou, where she conducted her experiment. She tried cutting it down, but it grew faster than she could cut it back. As it grew, she says, it became strangely warm, even hot. When it began to break through the walls and roof, she called for help.

“Frankly, and I hope he doesn’t read this, but the mayor does not have much of a sense of humor,” Miss Hawksby said. “He yelled at me, kind of rudely, ‘Oh, no, not again! I am not going to fix the house, Miss Hawksby! This is not my problem!’ Fortunately, he also yelled for Mr. Pestana.”

Miss Hawksby thought it would be a good idea to summon the kraken, but Mayor Godenot reportedly said, “You want my sea monster, capable of tossing an entire ship, to eat your radioactive and possibly hallucinogenic fungus? No way. Besides, krakens don’t exist.”

But Pazzo Pestana, said Miss Hawksby, was “cool as a cucumber,” suggesting that zombies could take care of the situation. “So I sprinkled that mushroom with graveyard dust, and Pazzo lured a zombie in. Henri wanted to smear the mushroom with brains, but that was dumb. Where would you get that many human brains at short notice?”

Allegedly undoctored photograph of the residence of Elwood P. Dowd, with large fungus

Allegedly undoctored photograph of the residence of Elwood P. Dowd, with large fungus


According to Miss Hawksby, the graveyard dust attracted numerous zombies, who ate away at the huge mushroom. “Big chunks were falling off and sprouting new mushrooms, and the zombies were swarming over those, too.” The mushroom, she says, continued warming up until it caught fire. Fortunately the house was too damp to attract the blaze.

Today there is no evidence of this incident. The roof of Mr. Dowd’s house appears to have been patched recently, and Mr. Dowd is away on business. Mayor Godenot reportedly contacted the Bureau of Scientific Inquiry, advising them to varnish all future meteorite samples to keep them dry, but this reporter was unable to confirm this.

“Chalk one up for science,” said Miss Hawksby. “At least we know why you shouldn’t water the meteorites. But those glowing mushrooms were pretty neat. I wonder why the mushroom collection instructions said not to put more than twenty of them in a bucket.”


Gigi Lapin resides in New Toulouse Bayou with her pet crawfish, Jimbo.

What’s Cookin’

by on Monday, October 28th, 2013

whats-cookin

Shrimp-Stuffed Mushrooms

This snack is a true delicacy, especially since mushrooms are recently so hard to come by.

Make sure to use brown mushrooms for this dish. As you know, certain types of mushroom are highly toxic, and unless you are an expert at knowing which of the more exotic fungi can be eaten, steer clear! Recently, a lot of mushroom hunters have been seen with bags full of glowing green mushrooms. While we’ve heard reports of these being safe to eat, observe the above tenet if you really want to be safe.

12 medium or large mushrooms
1/2 lb. bay shrimp, cooked and diced (not the big shrimp with the tentacles out in Bayou)
1/4 cup mayonnaise
2 to 4 cloves garlic
1/3 cup chopped onion
Italian parsley
2/3 cup fresh, soft breadcrumbs
1 tablespoon grated lemon zest
2 teaspoons lemon juice
salt and pepper
Tabasco (optional)

Examine the mushrooms for signs of glow. Remove the stems and set aside. Clean the mushrooms with a proper mushroom brush to remove all dirt and sediment. We all know where those things like to grow!

Lightly brush them with olive oil and place them cap-down in a 9×13 baking dish.

Sauté the garlic and onion in 1 tablespoon oil for about 5 minutes, until golden.

Put breadcrumbs, lemon zest, parsley, and mayonnaise into a medium-sized bowl and mix in the shrimp and the garlic/onion mixture. Salt and pepper to taste. Add a dash of Tabasco if desired!

Heap the breadcrumb mixture into the mushroom caps until all are full. It’s okay if some spills over. After baking, this makes tasty browned crumbles to spoon on top of the stuffed mushrooms.

Bake the stuffed mushrooms at 350°F for 25-30 minutes, until cooked through and golden.

Examine the mushrooms again for glow. Place on a platter as hors d’oeuvres, or put a few atop salad greens with a drizzle of lemon dressing as a main dish.

Should you start to feel strange powers or notice glow after your shrimp-stuffed mushrooms, do not swim in the river. Leave town immediately, and go to the doctor in Houston or San Francisco.


Once a Bayou bait shop owner serving the best leeches and pie, these days Miss RMarie Beedit can be found in the St. Louis Cemetery, looking for night crawlers and shiny pennies.