New Toulouse

I cannot tell you how disappointed I am in the campaign of little Dickey Mains. He knows that he cannot beat me in a fair race, so he is funding the false campaign of the improbable DESTROY THE SUN Party to pull votes away from me. Don’t help them. Jack Mondieu is a nice guy, but he’s a journalist, and we know that his newspaper doesn’t pay him well. Don’t donate to the DESTROY THE SUN Party, the money goes to little Dickey Mains. If you want to help Jack, give him money directly, but give your vote to me.

Now about my real opponent, little Dickey Mains. His former company hurried up and reopened their office here to save face—if they didn’t do that, the State would have pulled their Insurance Certificate and forbade them from doing business anywhere in the State. So it looks less embarrassing for them that way. But did you notice they didn’t endorse him? Ha! He stole their money and caused them all of that embarrassment! They wouldn’t endorse him because of all of the money he cost them, but they have to play nice or people will cancel their policies!

I also want to express my sympathy to the family of Mrs. Luella Mains, née Henican. This poor woman did perish last year under mysterious circumstances, and her evil husband is using her insurance money to run for Mayor of New Toulouse. He’s not mayor material, he has no mayoral experience, no family background, and only moved to New Toulouse two years ago to open a fraudulent insurance agency and defraud everyone he’s ever met! Don’t vote for this man who thinks he can just buy the election. Vote for me, Henri Godenot.

This political advertisement was paid for by the Committee to Re-Elect A Mayor (CREAM).

Hello, my name is Richard Mains, and I want to be your mayor. As I see it, there is only one obstacle to my goal, and that is the current mayor. I don’t want to mention him by name—you know who he is—but I want to refute the terrible things he has been saying about me.

He said, “How did he get so rich?” I’ll tell you about my financial status. I worked hard for years for the Mutual Independent Insurance Company, right here in New Toulouse, and I saved my money, the same way I’d like to save your taxes. Then my beloved wife passed away, and she was insured by Mutual Independent. I sincerely believed in the product I sold, so I bought a policy for her. I am living testimony that it’s a good product from a good company. I lost my dear wife, but our careful financial planning has given me the ability to attain my goals and lead New Toulouse to a brighter, more honest, less corrupt future. I humbly request your vote for mayor.

Richard E. Mains
Citizens’ Party

Sirs—

A recent item in the New Toulouse Tattler claimed that our Company, Mutual Independent, fired our New Toulouse Agent, Mr. Richard E. Mains. This is in fact untrue. While Mr. Mains no longer works for our company, we did not in fact terminate him. Mr. Mains and our Company merely terminated our Employment Agreement, and have gone our separate ways. This statement is not intended to be an endorsement for Mr. Mains; our company policies forbid us from endorsing and candidates for public office. We thank you for the opportunity to correct the previous misstatement, and wish both candidates the very best of luck. Please note that our new Agent in your area is Mr. Agricola Fusilier, doing business in the same location for over a fiftieth of a century.

Neptunus Thornton, sec’ty
Mutual Independent Insurance Company