New Toulouse

Late afternoon Wednesday the Big Cheese held a rally at Laveau Square, accompanied by a number of raccoons. The exact number of raccoons was impossible to determine, as they were in constant motion. I saw perhaps twenty, but people are saying there were hundreds.

The Big Cheese delivered an animated speech, at times gesticulating wildly to emphasize a point. But since no word was spoken, it is hard to say precisely what was the content of the speech. One presumes that somewhere in there was the traditional exhortation, by Carnival royalty, to attend the parade given in their honor (Samedi Gras, this Saturday) and to engage in general revelry of the season.

The raccoons cheered frequently and at times seemed to be chanting. I spotted Green-Eyed Fairy proprietress Francesca Alva nearby and decided to head to her refined establishment after the rally.

Miss Alva, who speaks Raccoon, told me that the raccoons are planning to take over New Toulouse. “They’re going to choose me as their queen,” she said. Just in case, I hurriedly paid my bar tab (leaving a nice tip, of course) and then went around town loosening trash can lids. Never let it be said that I failed to assist our possible new overlords.

Jack Mondieu plans to stop short of obtaining two black eyes in order to better fit in.

The freak weather conditions that hit New Toulouse last Sunday left most people unscathed. One citizen, however, is still counting the cost. Miss Frannie of the Green-Eyed Fairy had to cancel her swamp stomp with DJ Tabasco. “I’ve had to replace all my stock,” she told me. This reporter probed further and found that the losses were caused not by the weather, but instead by the owner drinking herself into a stupor to ease the pain she felt.

Luckily Taloosters are made of stern stuff, and the event is on again this Sunday between 12:00 noon and 2:00 PM. Miss Frannie was reminded that she is captain of Krewe Bayou, although she told me she has no recollection of being appointed or volunteering. It was decided to make the postponed event a Krewe Bayou Carnival kick-off event. Mardi Gras colors and mayhem are encouraged.

The Green-Eyed Fairy is located at #2 Bayou Street.

Lou Carew loves his Mardi Gras krewe.

Dear Madam

The shipping news and Mr Mondieu’s snappy article make interesting reading, but I feel too much is being made out of this. New Toulouse has weathered many storms and our fine city has escaped largely unscathed. 

Perhaps we could focus on events in the city, such as the half-price drinks at the Green-eyed Fairy, rather than those hundreds of miles away. The storm may yet change direction or blow itself out. Even if the worst were to happen, I have full confidence that the levees will hold the water back. I am concerned to note that some citizens are piling up sandbags and feel that publications such as yours should quell, rather than incite, panic.

There will be no sandbags at the Green-eyed Fairy, situated snugly behind the levee in Rue du Bayou. Instead a warm welcome awaits. Drinks are half price during the inclement weather.

Yours, etc

Francesca Alva.

Today I went on a walk in the city to view some art. At Miss Bee’s gallery at Red Drum Place, Maison de la Femme Impatient, I see that Lilyday Darkstone has brought her art back to New Toulouse. Her painting Heartstrings seems to be longing for the cemetery just outside the window. I really like Lilyday’s paintings. They are so soulful.

In this gallery there are also paintings by Miss Bee herself. She is accepting orders for custom paintings, and her gallery will show and sell other artists’ works on commission.

Galerie Wikifoo, on Rue de Woodget, also has several new pieces on the walls. Mr. Wikifoo has recently hung Trick Fell Asleep and others that I have never seen before. He has a pair of horses in the gallery garden. I wonder if he has them there for inspiration.

Across from the Ascension Cafe is Galerie Diabolik, highlighting risqué photographs and paintings from different eras. Miss Ulva Gloom specializes in the forbidden and is showing very special pieces. I found a marvelous octopus among the French postcards and vampire-themed art.

Just behind the gallery is Cinema Diabolik, now showing the surreal short film Ghosts Before Breakfast. New Toulouse’s other cinema, Bijou Impromptu, is showing The Musketeers of Pig Alley, starring Lillian Gish. Both of the cinemas in the city present films that really satisfy my eye for art.

Next to Bijou Impromptu is the Green-Eyed Fairy, which has the most secret art gallery in New Toulouse. I’m talking, of course, about the nudes in the “smoking lounge.” In the more public area upstairs, you can find art by Bryn Oh and several others, and in the main room downstairs there is a very impressive collection of photos of famous musicians. I am very fond of the art deco posters in there too.

Our lovely city is full of art. In fact, there are so many places with art here that you should definitely devote some time to an art stroll.

The Ghost of Liza Veliz fell in love with New Toulouse at first sight. She publishes books by various authors; find them at her reading cafe on Shotgun Row.

Dear Madam,

As I was wandering pensively through the cemetery, waiting for the moon to rise, I heard distant sounds of revelry. On the rooftops above Basin Street I beheld a motley, masked crew. They were dancing to the most marvelous Cajun music, provided by a gentleman I later learned was called DJ Tabasco.

Sadly I was called to Bayou on pressing business so could not join the revelers, but there is another chance to enjoy the fun, as Krewe Bayou asked Mr. Tabasco back for a repeat performance: this time at the Green-Eyed Fairy. I spoke to Miss Frannie, who runs this establishment, and she said, “We’ll be getting hot, saucy, and green at the Green-Eyed Fairy with DJ Tabasco on Sunday, 25 January 2015 at 12.00 noon, and we’ll party like it’s 1915!”

She then added, most cryptically, “Be there or be ketchup!”

Regrettably I shall again be absent on business, but I urge my fellow-citzens not to miss the party.

Yours, etc.
Lou Carew

Pictured are Nikita Weymann, Gigi Lapin, and me. We sit among some of the prizes you can get at the Post-Storm Pirate Booty Hunt that runs till September 1 in New Toulouse.

Last night was the hunt kickoff pub crawl, in which we enjoyed rum and went around to all the places where treasure chests are to be found. So much stuff washed ashore during the last hurricane that Taloosters have made these chests to get rid of it. The pub crawl was so much fun, but today I am completely exhausted. So I went to see Niki at her house on the bayou, and Gigi joined us, and I showed them some of my treasures.

The lovely little frog on the barrel, the washed-up trellis bench, and the junk shop lawn chair are from Noctis. The vampire gentleman and the zombie head trophy are from Harley’s Hotel. The zombie is wearing a black leather beret from the Old Spanish Stable.

Dare Munro’s book Musings in the Dark is published by my very own company, Darker Shadow Productions, and you get it from the Ghost of Liza Veliz Books & Poems at La Coquette. The book chaise Niki is lounging on is from Galerie Shotgun/Argonaut Travel on Shotgun Road.The kraken-themed rugs are from Look What the Cat Dragged In, #2 Spiegel Hall. The candle bowls are from Grimalkin Workshop in the bayou. Look out for bats—just saying.

The Paradiso Firepit is from Lei’s Café on the Bayou. The Poe’s Raven plushie I’m holding is from Ravenwood Arts & Curios on Shotgun Road. Do I need to mention that it says “Nevermore” when you touch it?

I am wearing the fish hat that Francesca Alva designed and put in her chest at the Green-Eyed Fairy for scurvy knaves to find. There’s a version for tinies too! To be totally honest, I was expecting us all to turn into fish people when the flood after the hurricane took so long to dry up, so I enjoy this cute hat very much. It is hilarious to watch it cuddle people as if it wants to eat them when they sit on my lap.

You should totally do this hunt! There are so many fun treasures in those chests that you can find all over the city and bayou. If you are feeling lazy, you can always use the list of treasure spots.

The start of the pub crawl, at the Still House Tavern

The Ghost of Liza Veliz fell in love with New Toulouse at first sight. She publishes books by various authors; find them at her reading cafe on Shotgun Row.