Gentlemen—
We all know what’s wrong with City Hall. High taxes are siphoning off the money we intended to use in order to have fun. I ask you, what’s the use of being a Talooster if not for the fun?
Cast your vote for me, and I will lower your taxes and your rent. You’ll have more money to spend on the things that make New Toulouse great: booze, broads, and boudin.
Furthermore, if elected mayor, I vow to work toward the absolute and total destruction of that celestial body that is the bane of the drinking working classes: the Sun. Clearly this cannot be accomplished by a lone mayor, so look forward to my eventual candidacy for governor of Louisiana.
Together, my friends and neighbors, we can destroy the Sun. And a new day will dawn, sans solar oppression. Who needs the Sun, anyway? Plants. And plants don’t vote.
Jack Mondieu
Destroy the Sun Party
#5 Red Drum Place
(Note from the editor: Mr. Mondieu is an employee of our paper. To avoid a conflict of interest, we will not be endorsing a candidate in the race for mayor this year.)