New Toulouse Samedi Gras,
An Island of Joy Between Nights of Despair
I heard the drums outside before I could pry my eyes open. I listened for a minute, trying to figure out where I was. Were they Namib? Zulu? Haida?
Zulu, I was sure they were Zulu. As the fog between my ears began to clear, I realized I was on a featherbed, not grass. And the room was hot. Not dry hot like South Africa, but the hot, wet, smelly heat of New Toulouse, and those drums were not tribal, they were Mardi Gras. Or Samedi Gras, the day of the big parade.
Photographic evidence that mechanical men can dance, at least during Carnival
I knew I had gotten lucky in the city that forgot to care, when the girl I woke up with was prettier than the one I thought I went to bed with.
Moving carefully so as not to have to explain myself to the pretty redhead next to me, I found my clothes in the dark and slipped them on. Going through her purse, I found two twenties—score! If I add those to the two twenties in my wallet left over from last night, I’ll have … two twenties. Damn, she stole these from me! I checked her voter registration card, to make sure I didn’t know her, or her husband, and nope, never met her before. Whew. Time to meet the sun and get this story written.
I snuck out on the wharf side of the seedy Tarantula Arms and smoked one while looking across the Missedabracket and thinking of a girl named Blanche. Then I ran along the docks to the old market and bought a mask to cover my razor stubble. I hugged the church wall as I went past, then weaved over to make it look like I was coming out of church as I walked toward the square.
The emcee was in the corner, dancing and talking about the parade, and I could have just stolen her notes and copied them in the bar, but I didn’t feel like fighting before noon, and the walk was doing me good. So I cut across the square and grabbed a little hair of the dog at Lafitte’s tavern before finding the parade near the city jail.
The Queen’s Float
The redhead in the first float looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t quite place her. But wow, what a babe. She was sitting in the crown seat and twirling those fire sticks like propellers. She wore a crown, and not much else.
Krewe of the Articulate
The next float was funny. Fancy, really fancy. Some guy with a whole boatload of babes. His float had paddle wheels where the tires should have been, and a pusher prop aft. And balloons. And it was draped in all kinds of fancy cloth. They must have spent a fortune on this. The sign said Krewe of the Articulate.
Krewe des Zombies
The third float also made me laugh. It had some drunk guy asleep under a tree, with three smoking-hot showgirls dancing in the tree above him. And the whole thing was pulled by some obviously fake papier-mâché alligators. Birdwatching in the bayou, I guess. I kind of felt bad for the guy, but hey, it was his loss, not mine, and he looked like he could use the sleep.
Krewe des Flambeaux
Then the Flambeaux float went by. More beautiful babes, and an olive-skinned girl so beautiful I’d give up this reporter’s job and work in the salt mines, six days a week, just so I could come home and kiss her cheek. This place is just unbelievable! Flames to the left and right, flames behind, and the whole thing done in gold. Kind of funny to see it go by those balconies and trees, leaving smoldering Spanish moss behind and dropping cinders and ash on the rest of the parade. But hey, dolls and fire, what’s not to love?
I was quickly revising my opinion of this old place as the day went on. Yesterday I was looking forward to getting back to the big city, but these folks really know how to have fun. As the strains of Professor Longhair’s “Big Chief” filled the air, my head cleared, and I began to get it. Yeah, I’m a big chief, and I’m feeling good!
Krewe des Horreurs
The fifth float had zombies in a cage. Maybe they made a mistake. The Zombie Krewe was two floats ahead, with flashy bird babes, and these Krewe Horreurs folks had some seriously creepy-looking people hanging in and out of their cage. They had a flyer that said they’d decided to give up biting for Lent and just try to be respectable citizens of New Toulouse. Yeah, right. Extend civil rights to the “differently animated”? Then why are they in a cage? Nice try, but no way, buddy, it ain’t gonna happen.
Krewe of Bast
The next float was drawn by rats. What? Oh, wait, I get it, the Krewe of Bast, the cat goddess of ancient Egypt. Cool. Oldest krewe, Egyptian goddess, this float mixes that cool antiquity thing with alley cats, crowned by fish bones, driving rats before them. And yet more babes. Cute ones, with ears and tails. These girls are laughing at themselves, and they’re laughing at us, too. But what would you expect? They’re cats, after all. Here, kitty, kitty!
Gumbeaux Krewe
Then this huge, towering thing. Boudreauxcelli’s Venus, rising from a steaming half-shell of oyster gumbo. I think it’s commercial—the hottie coming out of the shell also runs the gumbo house and skin shop. Krewe Gumbeaux. More literary X games. Brave girl—I wonder how she made it past the scratchy trees and flaming moss. But wow, charms to die for. And no wedding ring. That does it. I’m moving here!
Krewe des Avalon
Okay, I can see the end from here. The last float has a medical theme. “Modern Medicine Knight protecting the patient from the Dragon of Disease.” Oh, hey, it’s the clinic’s float. Haha, and the patient is in a backless robe. I’d have paid for that spot, just so I could moon the crowd.
This was fun! And the music was wonderful—these folks got some good music to dance to. I wandered over to the town square, to see the party, maybe pick up a program, and try some of the street food.
(Editor’s note: That’s all there is. The reporter was found face down in the canal, with beads around his neck, lipstick on his collar, no wallet or identification, and the following program in his pocket.)
Samedi Gras Parade, Saturday, March 1, 2014
Carter Denja, emcee
The Queen’s Float bears the queen of this Year’s Mardi Gras, Soto Hax. Soto is recognized for her tremendous scripting assistance to New Toulouse and for creating smiles wherever she goes. In her first royal act, Soto tried to pardon all of the criminals in New Toulouse, but she couldn’t find them. The queen’s float was designed and built by Armand of Amadeo’s Artifacts.
The Krewe of the Articulate float celebrates the waters of New Toulouse and the bayou. It is a paddle boat design, mounted with the egret and powered by articulated paddles, propeller, and flaming steam. This float was crafted by Armand of Amadeo’s Artifacts, and you might see the beautiful OtherJane, the lovely Pandora, or the stunning Bianca Solderini riding along with him.
Krewe des Zombies was formed for the 2009 New Toulouse Mardi Gras and has paraded in a number of New Toulouse parades ever since. This year’s float humorously portrays a sleeping bayou birdwatcher, missing the most beautiful birds in the bayou. The birdwatcher is Mayor Henri Godenot, and the beautiful birds are played by Karima Hoisan, Dale Innis, and Amirakevoli.
Jake Wikifoo, the captain of the Krewe des Flambeaux, has been captaining a float in New Toulouse since before he could drive. He commands the powerful Flambeaux float, and like Professor Longhair’s poor little Junco, goes a-wobblin’ all over the street. You might not want him to drive under your balcony!
The Krewe des Horreurs was formed when a group of zombies threw up their hands and shouted “Quelle horreur!” when they saw they way their brethren were being massacred by anybody with a firearm in the bayou. They decided to band together and show that they were not animals, they were human beings … or what remained. They decided to give up biting for Lent and just try to be respectable citizens of New Toulouse. Some of the riders of Krewe des Horreurs are Pazzo Pestana, Gibley Goldblatt, and Iovanka Milena
The Krewe of Bast is one of the oldest krewes in New Toulouse, having been instrumental in organizing the first parade, in 2009. Bast rode again in 2010, then went mysteriously undercover for a couple of years, returning to parade in 2013 and 2014. Just as the Egyptian goddess Bast is the Eye of Ra, her krewe members see their function as protectors of New Toulouse. This year’s theme is “Alley Cats.” Float riders will include Nikita Weymann (krewe captain), Jimmeh Obolensky, Liza Veliz, and Aodhan; Kristine Jinx-Kristan and Silky Grimknot may also ride. Throws this year will include beads and lucky coins.
Mirri Rosca rides high in the beautiful Gumbeaux Krewe float. Her float was built by the very talented Armand, of Amadeo’s Artifacts. It is a stunning homage to the beautiful work of the great master Boudreauxcelli. Mirri portrays the lovely Venus, rising from a steaming bowl of oyster gumbo. When in New Toulouse, visit Mirri’s Gumbo House, for a dish you’ll never forget.
Krewe des Avalon is a new crew formed in 2014. This year’s float depicts Dr. Avalon as a knight, protecting the patient from the Dragon of Disease. On the other end of the float, Nurse Alycia Blaylock has a dragon-sized lance, ready to give her brand of medicine to any patient that needs it.
Jack Mondieu, Ace Reporter, is sleeping it off. All photos in this report were contributed by Miss Jane Moreaux; see more of her delightful images on Flickr.