New Toulouse

Determined to test the truth of William Blake’s proverb “The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom,” a bacchanalian throng of New Toulouse citizens and visitors ate, drank, and reveled their way through the Carnival season, which culminated in the annual Samedi Gras Parade on Saturday, February 10. Masked men, flirtatiously fleshy women, and even a team of stately unicorns rolled through the streets, either leading or atop a series of intricately wrought floats, all of which stood out as pristine works of art. A further delight was the surprise appearance of Ms. Maggie Hawksby as Queen of Carnival, a revelation which warmed the memories of even the most inebriated Taloosters. Ms. Hawksby reigned with elegance over Carnival just a short two years ago, and her presence served as a poignant reminder of our fair city’s storied history and deep tradition.

While eager onlookers were treated to a multitude of different “throws” from the float riders, the prize catch of the season was the Krewe of Wulfenbach’s engraved silver beer stein. Though there were reports of at least two unaware onlookers requiring a set of stitches to repair gashes resulting from stray steins, those with quick reflexes and sticky mitts came away with a keepsake both lovely and useful.


Having arrived at the end of the road of excess, the more pious among us marked the beginning of the Lenten season by attending the Ash Wednesday liturgy at the recently renamed Our Lady of Wisdom chapel. Visiting archbishop Aloysius Nolasco presided over the solemn service, marking the foreheads of each penitent with ashes, a reminder that our lives, like our revels, are impermanent.




With Carnival officially closed, one jelly-legged and red-eyed penitent paused while leaving the chapel and remarked, “Holy and profane, sordid and sacred … that’s New Toulouse. That’s the rhythm of our lives.” He then tipped his hat, bid me adieu, and shuffled off bayou way, singing out to the stars, “Dum vivimus vivamus” (“While we live, let us live”).

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Diogenes Teufelsdröckh resides in New Toulouse Bayou, where he drinks bourbon, wrestles mudbugs, and ponders the Mysteries.

Relive Saturday’s fun, thanks to Natascha Randt!

[Here’s an anonymous letter along with some parade photographs taken by our own Miss Pie. Visit her gallery to see these pictures (and more) in their full glory.—Ed.]

Dear Sirs, or Madames, or Pirate Cats, or whatever you are—

I cannot express how angry I am at the recent displays of outrageous behavior in our City.

While the world is fighting the War to End all Wars, our city is playing in the streets.

Saturday, February 25, was the day of the Annual Samedi Gras Parade. People filled the streets of New Toulouse, carousing like wild beasts or hedonistic fools, and behaving in a generally unchristian fashion. Men were wearing masks, in direct contravention of the laws of this city, and women were wearing masks, and little else, while shaking their bodies in immodest ways.

There was the occasional well-dressed woman, it is true. Mrs. Rose Whitefalcon and Miss Francesca Alva were modestly dressed, but when the post-parade party started, Miss Alva was out there shaking like a wild woman just like everyone else. Miss Beedit was showing entirely too much shoulder. My husband and I grabbed our child, boarded the ferry, and took refuge in the Bayou, fully expecting divine retribution as in the biblical stories of old.

And to what do we owe these expressions of sinfulness? It is our own people’s fear of penance, people who cannot observe a few weeks of Lent without preparing for it by drinking, smoking, carousing, idolatry, the worship of pagan gods, and every other imaginable vice.

The displays of flesh were appalling. I estimate that the City should have earned several hundred in Parade Fees, and at least that much in nudity permits. I hereby call upon the administration of this den of iniquity to donate at least that much to the Gumbo Charity.

This type of behavior must not stand. We intend to leave this damp wicked place and live somewhere safe, clean, and dry, perhaps Las Vegas.

—Color Me Gone

The staff of Lin Laundry would like you to know that if you still haven’t gotten your Samedi Gras finery cleaned and pressed, you have until noon today to drop it off.

Miette Lin, owner of the business at 6 Shotgun Row, added that anyone who darkens her doorstep between 11:30 a.m. and noon will get charged double.

“Every year, we have people who come in the day before the parade with pieces of costumes that are not fit to wear in public,” Miss Lin explained. “Then we stay up all night cleaning them, and either miss the parade or can’t enjoy the parties. This year, I want to make sure my employees have the chance to get as drunk and disorderly as everyone else in town.”

Priscilla Rousseau and Lucy Chen, employees of Lin Laundry, both expressed relief at the idea of a deadline.

“You should see what shows up here five minutes before closing time most years,” Miss Rousseau said. “Caked in last year’s hangover.”

“That was that reporter,” Mrs. Chen corrected her, but did not elaborate which one. (Author’s note: It wasn’t me.)

“We want to remind anyone who finds himself or herself in this predicament that it’s entirely preventable. We have an Ash Wednesday special every year,” Miss Lin added. “Half price to wash the regrets right out of your costume if you drop it off on your way to do penance, no questions asked.”

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Joe LaSalle is looking forward to Samedi Gras and creating some reasons to repent.

Natascha Randt was in town Saturday, and here’s what she saw.

Photo by Bedlamie Thunders. See more photos by Miss Thunders on page 6.

Photo by Liza Veliz. See more photos by Miss Veliz on page 7.

Photo by Jane Moreaux. See more photos by Miss Moreaux on page 8.

The Samedi Gras Parade Association is proud to parade under the rule of this year’s Queen, Miss Maggie Hawksby!

The oldest and most traditional of the New Toulouse parades, the floats of the Samedi Gras Parade wind their way through the streets of New Toulouse this Saturday, the 6th of February. Carter Denja, our emcee and DJ, will start the show at Laveau Square (heard throughout the city streets) at 11:30 AM, and the parade itself kicks off at noon.

The Samedi Gras Parade has been a part of the New Toulouse Carnival season since the founding of New Toulouse. Wild costumes, bawdy shenanigans, and general misrule are the rule as the citizens of New Toulouse cut loose before the somber Lenten season.

Avoid that uncomfortable feeling of kneeling in the confessional with nothing to confess! Join your neighbors and friends in Laveau Square this Saturday, and try to come up with something that will make them blush!

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Henri Godenot is the mayor of New Toulouse and the Capitan of Capitans of this year’s Samedi Gras parade.

In an article published Saturday night, we reported that Mr. Callidus Waydelich was spotted riding on a float during the Samedi Gras parade, when in actuality he was elsewhere doing something appalling with a muskrat. We regret the error.

Many thanks to Miss Natascha Randt for yet another recording of parade mayhem!

When I woke up this morning I could hear the party music playing, and I knew it was the day of the Samedi Gras parade in New Toulouse and I had a date with my friends in the Krewe of Bast. Oh my, was it a blast! And I didn’t have any of those blackout moments for the first time I can remember!

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