Letter to the editor

by Nikita Weymann on July 4th, 2017

Perrinault and other shadowy New Toulouse powers have enacted a new “meat innovation solution” in answer to the overabundance of water hyacinth plants choking up the bayou. Put simply, the lake cows eat the water hyacinth plants. Then a few lake cows are harvested for delicious bacon, which is provided free to anyone who hands over a few pounds of live water hyacinth plants. Double whammy against the water hyacinth problem.

This brings up the question of humane treatment of the benevolent lake cow species. One can’t get a straight answer to the query, “How many bullets does it take to produce a package of Lake Cow bacon?” Instead you get this rhetorical response: “For fear of hurting one of the few industries in New Toulouse, I refuse to comment on bullet quantity or placement.”

The lake cow bacon production industry is presumably subsidized by your tax dollars, regardless of your dietary choices. Of course the predilection to smell bacon in the morning scrambles the logic of the meat innovation solution, anyway. How about harvesting water hyacinths to produce food and all manner of other products—hats, capes, boats, rafts, wall coverings, mats, mattress stuffings, ropes, chewing gum—and creating a real, inclusive industry?

But we know who the industry revolves around in New Toulouse, don’t we?

RMarie Beedit
Weeds Vegetarian Public House

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