New Toulouse

Gentlemen—

Please vote for Richard E. Mains and save our community from itself. Our city needs schools for our children, our Bayou needs drainage and clean water. Our taxes are wasted on defending ourselves from morality itself while the real monster of ignorance stalks our populace. Look at our poor community, with the tenement cribs of Gloryville and the shacks on Shotgun Row. If our taxes were not annually wasted on that debacle we call Carnival, we could have a fine education system and proper flood control.

For too long have we labored under the heavy chains of the past and the antiquated system of political patronage. Our community needs clean, honest, and fair government. Government without the colorful candidates, without the lavish festivals and gifts; government that is clean, pure, and uncomplicated.

The Tentacles of the Regular Alliance have wrapped themselves around our lives and our homes for far too long. Strike a blow for freedom and change, and vote for Richard E. Mains, the candidate of the Citizens’ Party!

Girard Quebedeaux, Judge (retired)

Dear Editor,

I normally disregard what passes for news in this rag, but I must respond to the fearful, calumnious, and cowardly dreck recently printed under the name of a “concerned neighbor.” Calling folks who have eyes to see and ears to hear “bad” is probably normal and polite talk in the pearl-polishing parlors of the New Toulouse elite, but it’s attitudes as such that have the average citizen pining for change.

Please explain to me how it’s bad to want to raise your children in the bayou without fearing zombies (many of whom I suspect ain’t even native to Louisiana) sucking their brains clean out? Please explain to me why bayou dwellers and lower class citizens in the city are the last to see any municipal assistance when the waters rise? I guess all of that vaunted “calm guidance” is for folks who can afford to be guided.

To address the personal slander against Mr. Mains, as my Daddy (and his Daddy before him) used to say: that dog won’t hunt. Mr. Mains is honest to a fault; his only mistake was to get himself involved in that devil-black insurance business in the first place. Now, of course Mr. Mains’ valiant attempt to clean up a dirty company would disturb the likes of Mr. Godenot and his boot-licking cronies—discouraging honest behavior is the only consistent party plank of the Regular Alliance.

In sum, all this hogwash about the current mayor being good people from a “fine family” makes me wonder if “concerned neighbor” might not be the mayor’s mamma. To be fair, if I was kin to a man this inept and crooked I’d be concerned too.

It seems plain as day that “Monsieur” Godenot ain’t good enough and that’s why we need a fellow like Richard Mains to make what’s crooked straight. I’d appeal to the plain folks of New Toulouse to vote their conscience and true interests. It’s the only way to assure we purge ourselves of the zombies in the Bayou and City Hall.

Sincerely,

Diogenes F. Teufelsdröckh
La Vie Bayou #4
New Toulouse, USA

Dear Friends and Neighbors—

A letter recently published announced the candidacy of a bad man and a bad party for the Mayoral race of New Toulouse. This man, Mains, you recognize as your insurance agent. Except he isn’t your insurance agent anymore, his company has fired him for his unprofessional behavior. And now this man wants to run for Mayor, so he can get his hands on your taxes.

Resist the urge to vote for the new shiny candidate, remain faithful to the wise leader we have enjoyed for all these many years. Keep Henri Godenot in office.

Monsieur Godenot is a good man, from a fine family. He knows and understands New Toulouse as few others do. His wise leadership and calm guidance have seen us through many storms and travails, and will continue to do so. Please vote for Henri Godenot and the Regular Alliance Organization for Mayor.

Your Concerned Neighbor

Dear Sirs—

The time has come for a new day in New Toulouse, a day without shame, or ignominy, or fear. For as long as anyone can remember, a member of the Regular Alliance Organization has held power in our fair city, and the corruption and graft have only increased, year after year.

We need more efficient and honest administration of public affairs. We need fair and honest expenditure of our taxes, a better public school system, and clean and dry streets. We need a larger, more honest police force. Most of all, we need to eliminate from the city payrolls the political loafers who draw salaries for which they do not work, thus depriving honest men of the opportunity to earn an honest living.

Our candidate for mayor is Richard Mains, a friend and neighbor, well known in our town. Richard is honest, upright, and true, and he will serve us well as our new mayor.

This election day can be a new day for New Toulouse, a day with a brighter future! Vote for Richard Mains!

Agricola Fusilier,
on behalf of the
New Toulouse Citizens’ League
26 Basin Street