New Toulouse

Walking around New Toulouse the other day, I was heading toward the Mama Cree, where I enjoy standing on the upper level overlooking the bayou. No sooner did I turn the corner at the Severed Head bar when I noticed some movement inside Crawdy’s. With all the talk recently of a panther in town, I reduced my pace and proceeded cautiously. Although it did not appear in color and size to resemble anything feline, I didn’t want to chance moving into a vicious attack. I did not want to harm the panther.

Walking closer, I saw a gator coming out of the eatery, and I noticed something in its mouth: a bottle of hot sauce. Well, if that don’t beat all—an alligator with an appetite for hot sauce. It halted in the doorway as if uncertain what to do next. Thinking it might have noticed me, I moved to the side, clearly out of its path.

The alligator proceeded to the seafood stand. I watched closely as the animal worked strenuously to lift itself onto the stand. Having done so, it quickly grabbed some fish and then scurried down the dock, splashing into the water.

Well, venturing out for a leisurely walk around the town of New Toulouse undoubtedly can produce some interesting encounters. Still, that is the most peculiar thing I have ever seen, and I thought I’d seen them all.

Shantz Hawker is an Acadian lone wolf who returned to New Toulouse after a long, hard journey through his ancestral heritage. He has settled here once again to open an apothecary in the French Market.

I left work on Thursday feeling like they’d given me a deep massage with a poultry mallet. But that’s okay, because nothing scrambles my pixels. When I got home, the weeds were undisturbed in the yard, but there was a quickly scrawled note under the door. “Got a lead in Bayou—someone is taming gators. Please check it out.” I heaved on my galoshes, feeling mighty indignant. Trained gators? Do I look like I have a leg to spare?

I paddled over to the swamp warily. The signs was unmissable: “Click for Free Ridable Gator!” and “Danger, Do Not Feed or Molest.”

Curling my toes, I clicked for a delivery of said rideable gator and tried it on. Sure enough, it was tame as a kitten and took to the water just fine, mouth agape and seemingly ready for a juicy hunk of something delicious. But it obeys just fine and looks pretty spectacular.

You too can get a free rideable gator, courtesy of Miz Monnett, at Blue Bayou.

[The following open invitation arrived in our mailbox yesterday. —Ed.]

If you love gators and if you love Mardi Gras floats, you might want to join our group. Learn how to decorate your rideable gator in your own personal style! Let the spirit of Mardi Gras and the crazy humor of New Toulouse haunt the bayou in the form of the Rough Riders and their gators! Laissez les bons temps rouler! Contact me if you want to join up.

Maria Monnett
Bayou Rough Riders
Gator Krewe

RMarie Beedit is the proprietor of Argonaut Travel on Shotgun Row.