New Toulouse

Mrs. J. E. Stevenson, 1400 Pontalba street, was attacked by a purse-snatcher early last evening while walking towards the streetcar line near her home. The man slipped out from a clump of bushes behind her, darted silently to her side, jerked the handbag from her fingers and ran swiftly away. Her loss was more than L$5.

Thieves broke into a tailor shop on Royal street one night last week and took two pairs of trousers belonging to Doctor Johnson.

Friday morning at 1 o’clock someone took charge of an automobile belonging to Robert Turner, as it stood in front of the residence of Mrs. Geo. Hornosky, 301 Nightingale street, and after enjoying a ride for three hours, returned it to a point nearby undetected. The machine was not damaged.

Burglaries supposedly by boys continue as heretofore, despite the vigilance of the police officers. On Monday morning when Dr. and Mrs. A. G. Mauldin were absent from their home on Pontalba street, the house was entered, and the thief rifled every drawer and armoir in the house, looking for money. A gold watch of Doctor Mauldin was lying on a dresser exposed, and still the thief passed it up and appropriated for his own use two white shirts instead. The scoundrel also ate all of the prepared food he could find before making his departure. Police Officer Broughton arrested a boy whom it is thought committed the offense, but there was no proof to hold him. The town is full of half-grown boys who take advantage of the juvenile laws which prevent their incarceration and punishment, and we have reason to believe this is the class who commit these breaches of the law.

FOR SALE

LAST YEAR’S Model 97 Winchester for sale, reliable duck gun. Contact Wilson at the dock.

HELP WANTED

A CHANCE for employment and possible enjoyment; Doctor Avalon is seeking servers for her “Bacchanal” parties. Positions include: Servers, Dancers, possibly Masseurs. Must be willing to work in period dress and be discreet enough not to sell blackmail info to Tattler. Inquires: Doctor Avalon.

THE NEW TOULOUSE TATTLER seeks talented reporters, photographers, and columnists. Phone Nikita Weymann, NT-668.

SITUATIONS WANTED

POSITION WANTED—Bright, energetic woman with experience in caring for the sick or convalescent; would travel; unencumbered. Address L-720, care Tattler.

CAN CLEAN houses, cook, and laundry in your home before September. Annie, NT-338.

MISCELLANEOUS

A LONESOME WIDOW, age 30, would like to meet a respectable man near same age. References exchanged. No divorcees. Box M-4, Tattler.

WE SNUGGLE. Or something like that. We’d love to help you. No job too small or too large. Best reputation in New Toulouse. Visit the floatplane for initial consult. NOCTURNAL AVIATION.

NOTICES

PUBLIC NOTICE. Office of Collector of Internal Revenue, New Toulouse, La., July 27, 1915:—In pursuance of the provisions of Section 3460, R. S., notice is hereby given the owners of the two barrels of whiskey seized April 5, 1915, at New Toulouse Bayou, La., for violation of the internal revenue laws, that unless they appear and file claims in the manner prescribed by law within thirty (30) days from date hereof, same will be advertised and sold as forfeited to the United States under the above mentioned statute. J. Y. Fauntleroy, Collector of Internal Revenue.

DOCTOR AVALON is pleased to announce that the toga party, or “Bacchanalia” will be held on the First Monday of every month, starting August 3rd. Same place, Same Brilliant DJ Dr. Maddox S Sinclair. Same time: 6-9 SLT. Come August 3rd. Let’s show the Steamlands how we “Romans” revel.

LOST & FOUND

NEW TOULOUSE STREET RAILWAY COMPANY. Persons having lost some article would do well to call up the office of the New Toulouse Street Railway Company to ascertain whether they left it in the streetcars. Many articles each day are turned in and the company is anxious to restore them to the rightful owner. Call NT-795.

SWAPPER’S COLUMN

I NEED a reliable car for honeymoon first week of September, will trade labor during harvest. Buck, NT-565.

REFRIGERATOR—In good condition, value about L$10. What have you to trade? Address SC-1211, Tattler.

TRAP drummer’s outfit, Leedy Xylophone, also Taylor drum trunk. This outfit is in first class condition. What have you to trade? Address SC-1207, Tattler.

Classified ads are posted every Monday and are L$1 per word. No advertisement taken for less than L$25. Contact NT-668 to place an ad.

Galatea Monday resides corporeally in New Toulouse Bayou with her bulldog Al Capone, loads of books, and a few spirits. She also owns and operates the Haunted Jellyfish, New Toulouse’s premiere ghost gallery and studio.

Send your questions to Miss Gala by mailing or dropping a note into the mailbox at our headquarters.

Dear Miss Gala,

A girl of 15 is consulting you about something that seems very strange to her. We have boarders which are all good friends to us. The boys have learned me how to dance right here in my home. Now when I am a full-fledged dancer, I want to go out to private dances with my two big sisters, but my parents won’t let me.

Now, Miss Gala, don’t you think this is my parents’ mistake? When the boys were learning me, they never said anything, but now when I want to go to dances they won’t let me. They should have stopped me at first so I wouldn’t get the desire of going to dances. Don’t you think so? Now I love dancing and I can hardly keep away. So please send the answer as soon as you can. I will show it to them all whether you are on my side or not.

—Eager to Know

Dear Eager,

The great philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said that “we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once,” and who are we to argue?

Surely, if a great modernist like Fritz thinks dancing is crucial (and his life spanned the Victorian Age!), then how can it be denied?

All of the great thinkers have rhapsodized on the importance of dance! Even the great poet Baudelaire said that dance is “poetry with arms and legs.”

So just tell them that you do not wish to waste a day in which you are not creating poetry!

If that doesn’t work, just tell them you’re going to the library.

Bonne chance!
Miss Gala

Dear Miss Gala,

What is the correct way to wear perfume?

Signed,
Not a whore!

Dear Lady,

Scent not only can create heat, but it likes it too. So dab some on the warm spots of your wrists, behind your ears, between your breasts, and behind your knees.

And slap anyone who uses that nasty W-word.

Chaleureusement,

Miss Gala

Dear Miss Gala,

I am a young married woman. While I have the best of husbands and comforts that really make life worth while, I find it is a vary narrow existence. I am very fond of reading and I also find pleasure in writing; but still there seems a lingering vacancy. It has always been my hope to advance in this world, and being married seems to retard my progress. Why it should is more than I can understand. My husband is certainly not a detriment nor a drag in any way. I am not restricted, and the thought makes me very unhappy that possibly I am unappreciative. Whether the fault lies in my inability to grasp the situation is yet another question I ask myself over and over again. I am not a dreamer. I do not crave luxury in any form. The thing I would like most of all would come in the shape of advice or to have someone suggest the feature which is so sadly lacking. Surely there is some way of aiding a perfectly level head and an equally broad mind.

—Interested

Dear Interested,

This is a very common lament in our gender. The reason can be found in a metaphor that is unfortunately very common in Western painting: ladies with parrots. The parrot is an exotic and beautiful bird with many charms and gifts. She can be trained to speak in the way of her masters; she’s usually colorful and lovely to look at and play with, but she is a bird, and no matter how elaborate the cage and glimmering its gilded bars, that bird is still captive and unable to spread her wings and do what she does naturally and instinctively—fly.

There is no shame in longing to create a full and happy life for yourself. The shame is in the culture that demands that you are nothing more than a pretty parrot who should appreciate her bejeweled cage. It is clear that you do appreciate your home and your husband, and he sounds like a good, supportive man, as you describe him.

Many of our kind have explored these feelings, which led to ideas, which led to fulfillment and even adventure in some cases.

You said that you love to read and write. I will suggest Madame George Sand to you, then. Read her journals, and learn about her life. Also, the painter Rosa Bonheur. If you can travel, go to Paris and see her paintings. Explore the work of Mary Shelley and Jane Austen, George Elliot and the Sisters Brontë. Seek out the more obscure work of Artemisia Gentileschi and Maria Edgeworth. Read “The Yellow Wallpaper” by Charlotte Perkins Gilman, and by all means, indulge in the work of our own Kate Chopin.

I am confident that these sisters will help you find your way.

The most important thing you can do for yourself, in addition to all of that reading, is to seek out the counsel and friendship of other women and to be supportive of and true to one another. Not only is there comfort in true sorority, but there is also wisdom.

Ta soeur,
Galatea

Dear Miss Gala,

What is the best way to kill those dang zombies in Bayou? It’s getting so I can’t even garden without fear of being bitten!

Signed,
Zombie Hater

Dear Hater,

There are some sawed-off shotguns just for this purpose down at the Bayou train depot. Grab one, and make yourself a zombie shooting gallery. Just take care not to shoot your neighbors.

Chaleureusement,

Miss Gala

Photograph taken with a spirit camera, somewhere in New Toulouse Bayou

little swamp spirit
no catnip here, say the cats
why are you asking

—Gigi Lapin

Tuesday morning a horse belonging to A. R. Arceneaux, and carrying two small boys on his back, Eldridge, the son of Mr, Arceneaux, and Travis LaTour, became frightened at the barking of a small but innocent dog, the proportions of which he was unable to determine owing to slightly impaired visionaries, and dashed through the streets at a terrible pace.

Mr. E. C. Barnett and son Frank were driving towards the French Market from the ice house when they spied the runaway and stopped with the intention of catching the horse and thereby saving the youngsters from an uncertain fate. The horse, not observing Mr. Barnett’s Ford car, dashed into it at full speed, throwing the boys promiscuously. Travis LaTour suffered several severe cuts as he passed through the wind shield, while the Arceneaux boy escaped, much frightened, but with no serious injury.

Mr. Barnett acknowledged that the fact that his car was a Ford car is the only thing that saved it from total destruction. As it was, the front of his car presented a sad appearance with the wind shield gone, the radiator caved in and useless, and the fenders somewhat dislocated. He also thinks that the town ordinance requiring autos to have good and sufficient headlights should also apply to horses.

Jack Mondieu is a figment of your imagination.

WANTED

YOUNG MAN, Knight of Columbus, wants board and room in private Catholic family. Address C-342, Tattler.

FOR SALE

FOX HOUND PUPPIES for sale—L$2 each. Mother a fine rabbit hunter. Address C. H. Weitz, Box 424, New Toulouse Bayou, La.

HELP WANTED

PRIVATE secretary, young man 25–30 years of age, bright, brainy, having several years’ experience in stenographic work; must furnish best of references. Brains and ability will be well paid for. Give age, references, salary, etc. Address C-726, Tattler.

THE NEW TOULOUSE TATTLER seeks talented reporters, photographers, and columnists. Phone Nikita Weymann, NT-668.

SITUATIONS WANTED

YOUNG Englishman, gardener, does not drink or smoke, will take care of young lawn or any kind of garden work. NT-137.

WANTED by young lady, place with private family, city or country, to do housework or sewing. Address Box 33, Route 8, Worthington, Minn.

WANTED—A position playing piano in moving picture show. NT-671.

MISCELLANEOUS

INDUSTRIOUS peaceful young man with means would like to get acquainted with sensible, good looking, congenial young lady; object matrimony. M-1, Tattler.

EATING MEAT builds up your muscle, a juicy steak will make you hustle. With muscle and hustle, THE WORLD IS YOURS. Try Perrineau’s lake cow steak tonight.

NOTICES

DOCTOR AVALON would like to inform that the Toga Party scheduled for Wednesday will instead be on MONDAY, July 20th. still 6-8pm, still dj Maddox. Same decadence, new time. Thank you.

NOTICE—Succession of Ozam D. Metoyer. Achille P. Rachal, administrator, having this day filed his final account of administration, notice is hereby given to all persons interested to show cause within 10 days from date hereof why the same should not be homologated. Done and signed this July 17th, 1915. D. J. Hyams, Clerk.

LOST & FOUND

LOST—Will finder of baby’s white lace hat oblige baby by calling NT-823. Reward.

SWAPPER’S COLUMN

BULLDOG—Have an English bulldog, about 2 years old, to trade. What have you? Address SC-1231, Tattler.

SAFETY RAZOR—Gillette safety razor, never used, triple silver plated, 12 blades, in leather case, cost L$8; will swap for good revolver. Also 2 cameras (small) to swap for anything of equal value. Address SC-1216, Tattler.

Classified ads are posted every Monday and are L$1 per word. No advertisement taken for less than L$25. Contact NT-668 to place an ad.

Last Sunday, there was a very nice turnout when New Toulouse residents, visitors, and friends gathered as Miss ChuChu Laverne unveiled her most recent art piece, “Grape Reflections,” a work in pastels. The event was hosted by Mr. Blake Palmer at Palmer’s Place in New Toulouse. Miss Laverne’s intended, Mr. Zechariah Balthazar, was also on hand to show his pride and support.

After the poignant story of how the work was inspired by Miss Laverne’s mother and dedicated to her, it was unveiled, to the delight and appreciation of the well-dressed attendees. Comments, murmurings, and questions were offered, and Miss Laverne moved through the crowd to address them.

Then the festivities began as people toasted Miss Laverne with champagne, then helped themselves to a lovely banquet table filled with goodies for the palate, and Mr. Palmer mixed some of his best libations. There was also dancing to ragtime piano and other modern music.

The exquisite “Grape Reflections” is on permanent display at Enchanté, #7 Shotgun Row, where Miss Laverne invites the public to come by.

Imon Nightfire is a New Toulouse resident, art lover, proprietor of the Thirteen Royale Social Club, and fledgling tattler.

Editor Tattler:

Will you be so kind as to print this notice in your paper. I am a widow of a confederate soldier. I am 68 years old and want to secure a pension from our state. My husband belonged to the Caldwell guards, Co, L. Third La., Regiment. He enlisted in Columbia at the begining of the war and served until the close. He died five years ago in Terral, Ala. If any of his old company or any one that knew him in the army see this, please write to me and send me an affadavit certifying that you knew him to be in the service of the Southern Confederacy. His name was L. L. Cain. He had two brothers, Fountain and William with him, they are both dead. I have a slim chance to find any evidence, but hope to hear from some one. Address

Mrs. L. L. Cain
Ryon, Oklahoma

The Tattler will be glad to receive communications on subjects of general interest but is not responsible for sentiments expressed.