New Toulouse

If you heard the patter of Tiny feet in New Toulouse on Saturday, you weren’t imagining it. The Tiny Social Aid and Pleasure Club held the seventh New Toulouse Tiny Dance in aid of Relay for Life. Those critters raised a staggering L$15,050 in the fight against cancer, and they had a great time doing it.

Mayor Henri Godenot and Miss RMarie Beedit were unable to attend but sent apologies together with generous donations. Among the Tinies present were Miss Eilidh McCullough, who started the ACTS team Tiny Dance tradition, team captain Olde Eldemar, who looked most dashing as a cavalier, and his co-captain and wife, Cassie Eldemar.

The DJ was once again Manfred “Owlbear” Hancroft with his “totally legit” tunes.

Our photographer was there capturing the scene as the cream of Tiny society strutted its stuff.

Frances Lava is a Biggie and intends to stay that way. She lives in Gloryville overlooking her family tomb.

On Sunday, June 12, New Toulouse Tinies and Team ACTS welcomed Tinies (and Biggies) from near and far to the Tiny Dance in Aid of Relay for Life. This popular annual event was instigated by our own Eilidh McCullough six years ago and was first held at le Vieux Canal in Algiers. Older residents will have fond memories of this establishment and remember the terrible storms of December 1913 that swept away the entire Algiers region. The Green-Eyed Fairy in New Toulouse hosted the event thereafter.

This year, the venue changed. Thanks to the generosity of Miz Niki and the untiring efforts of New Toulouse’s feistiest Tiny, Miss Gigi Lapin, New Toulouse Tinies finally acquired their own club: the Tiny Social Aid & Pleasure Club in Red Drum Place.

Manfred “Owlbear” Hancroft once again provided the music, and we all enjoyed his “Totally Legit” songs. Team ACTS captain Olde Eldemar displayed an unexpected talent as the city’s newest self-appointed “professor” and tickled the ivories to great effect.

Mayor Henri was there, doubtless relieved that he could still attend the dance in his official capacity.

The good times certainly rolled, and our Tiny contribution was a huge L$25,000.

More pictures by our own Miss Pie can be seen on page 7.

Miss Frances Lava lives in Basin Street and is founder and president of the newly formed Raccoons Out of New Toulouse campaign.

This emergency edition of the Tattler was made possible by Mr. Lawrence James of James Ads & Signs, who kindly donated the use of his own press, as ours is currently underwater.

FREE BOURBON (AND SHELTER)
by Jack Mondieu (interim editor)

Hoping to help everyone “land on their feet,” the Krewe of Bast once again provide respite and shelter above the waterline at Spiegel Hall’s third-floor ballroom. Citizens and local rescued felines can wait out the flooding in relative comfort, with free hot coffee, food, bourbon, and cuddling. When asked about the location of Bast’s Nikita, krewe member Kristine replied, “Oh, she’ll turn up eventually, maybe a little skinnier but with plenty of lives left.”

EDITOR MISSING
by Frances Lava

As dawn broke over a storm-ravaged New Toulouse today, its weary citizens were shocked to learn that one of the city’s most prominent residents, and editor of this paper, was missing. As posters went up all over town, the question on everyone’s lips was when the flood-damaged stock sale was starting. A few people were also wondering about Miz Niki.

This reporter has learned that the editor was about to lift the lid on wide-scale corruption at City Hall. Certainly there has been a deafening silence from that quarter, especially on the subject of monies diverted from the upkeep of the levees which failed so disastrously last weekend. The mayor was not available for comment and is believed to be out of town on a hunting trip.

Where is Miz Niki? This paper is offering a generous reward for information leading to her safe return.

LETTER TO THE EDITOR

I shall account for the events of the great Caffeine airlift. I read an
article entitled “Weather or not” by Mr. Jack Mondieu. In it, he described
how “someone has bought up all the available coffee beans, and currently
there are none to be had on the open market. Look for cafe and restaurant
owners to adjust their price for a cuppa joe accordingly.” Now, the idea
of a bunch of caffeine addicted Taloosters not getting their cuppa joe is
barely less scary than Zombies down Bourbon Street. Fortunately, I happen
to have a friend whose nation is among the most reputable coffee providers
in all the Steamlands, one Callidus Weydelich. He scoffed at the idea that
would-be “Coffeosi” would try to do this, and well, he did want to repay for
all the times his shotgun fire damaged my spa. So, we set sail from Cala
Mondrago, in a warship full of Coffee.

The trip was a bit rough. I would like to say that we survived due to our
skill, but in truth, it helps when a Djinn stows away on board your ship and
can save you from crashing. We even got there in time for Salome Starsmith
to greet us with food and drink at the Severed head, which is right by port.
Bob Ellsmere, the hero of last year’s hurricane, was given Coffee so that he
might continue to provide demitasses for those weather weary Taloosters!
All in all, it was a glorious, defiant moment that showed our fair city at
its finest! Viva Nouvelle Toulouse! Viva La Demitasse!

Doctor Avalon

Editor’s note: Captain Alcide LeBlanc was successful in running from the storm and grounding his good ship ‘Calamares’ in the Bayou. The cargo was fully insured, he invites all citizens of New Toulouse to help themselves to as much coffee and bananas as they desire. To avoid waste, he recommends that no one take more than they and their immediate families and livestock can consume in a decade.

ADVERTISEMENTS

WANTED: Attractive woman who lives on the second floor or higher. Should have a non-leaky roof and be a good cook. I own a rowboat and am good with my hands. Please contact Henry Payne at Bayou #1.

DRY ROOM FOR RENT in sturdy brick building. Dock your small craft in the courtyard and head directly up to your digs. Apply at Red Drum Place #3, on Basin Street between Frog Alley and the cemetery.

DOCTOR AVALON wishes to let residents know that the third floor of Our Lady of Mercy Hospital is a Hurricane shelter! There are plenty of beds, and hot food. Do not risk becoming yet another casualty of the weather! Stay safe!, Stay dry!

Mayor Henri Godenot returned from his annual hunting trip this week, and his appearance has led to speculation of the wildest sort. The fresh air and exercise seem to have done nothing to improve his health, and on the rare occasions he has been seen around town, he has been hobbling along with the aid of a cane.

I contacted City Hall to ask about the mayor’s health and was sent the following statement:

“Thank you for all of the kind wishes and concern for my health. I’m limping from a simple injury I got while hunting. Like a muscle strain or a turned ankle. But not anything serious, like a stabbing or a gunshot wound. That’s it. Nothing serious at all.”

We wish you a speedy return to health, Mr. Mayor, and hope you will be more cautious in the future—some of those wildcats can be mighty mean.

Frances Lava lives quietly in the cemetery district, where she mourns her lost youth. If anyone has seen said youth, please send him back.

Following hard on the disappearance of our beloved Editor, Miss Nikita Weymann, the Tattler has learned that Gigi Lapin is now missing. Readers of this paper will remember that Miss Gigi raised concerns about Miss Niki’s whereabouts four days ago. Despite the missing posters that add a sombre note to our Mardi Gras-bright city, no one has so far come forward with any information. Mayor Godenot has offered a reward of 1L, to be paid out of his own pocket.

Souces inside NTPD say that a woman is being questioned in connection with the double disappearance. Police remain tight-lipped on her identity but a local source says it is Mrs Ethel Varnish of the Tarantula Arms. The source, who runs the adjacent bar, but has asked us not to name her, said, “The Tarantula Arms is a strange place: people come and just as suddenly leave, never to be heard of again. I’ve heard screams in the night that would curdle absinthe!” She went on to add that Miz Ethel did make the most delicious meat pies.

Amid wild speculation and whisperings of blackmail, extortion, murder, and corruption at the highest level, the search goes on.

Where is Miss Weymann? Where is Miss Gigi? Did they know something that made them a danger to a ruthless criminal? And where can I get one of Miz Ethel’s delicious meat pies?

Frances Lava is a relative newcomer to New Toulouse. She knows nothing about anyone or anything.

Tinies from Raglan Shire invaded New Toulouse on Saturday, June 1, but it was all in a good cause. Relay for Life team Tiny Steps for a Cure organized a dance at the Green-eyed Fairy, where a great time was had by all, and an amazing L$12,228 was raised for the American Cancer Society.

Music was provided by DJ Manfred “Owlbear” Hancroft. His “totally legit” vintage covers of modern songs entertained us all. Imagine time travelers from the early 1900s, newly returned from the late twentieth and early twenty-first centuries. Impressed by all the songs they’ve heard, they can’t wait to record their own versions, played in the styles of their time. They use the very latest recording technique: the wax cylinder. That will give you some idea of the music we heard. This writer will never listen to ABBA’s “Super Trouper” in quite the same way again. DJ Mani was supported by the Seals: animated seal musicians. These cute critters were available for purchase from RFL vendors and proved very popular.

Tiny Steps team captains and bunnehs Neill McCullough and Jennylynn Capalini (wife of DJ Mani) co-hosted with Miss Frannie, owner of the Green-eyed Fairy. Fans of the ChangHigh Trinity Sisters Fireshow will have seen Miz Jen in her biggie form as the Fire Dancer.

Many Taloosters took the opportunity to release their inner tinies. Mr. Lazarus Morane, who has recently relocated his famed oyster bar to Bayou, was a most elegantly attired frog. Mr. Orinoco Beresford, Shotgun Row’s newest resident, appeared as a dapper ferret appropriately clad in Relay for Life “purkle.” Miss Cookie, formerly of Bourbon, was a Pokemon, the “legendary Jirachi” who makes wishes come true. Miz Karima-Kareem (Hoisan) wore a smart black tux and top hat that perfectly complemented the black markings on her tiny white leopard avatar. Miz Gardenia Malheur arrived as a biggie, but she was so enchanted by Mr. Laz’s fly-catching antics that she herself changed into a frog, prompting Miz Jen to ask if it were not more common for the frog to turn into a handsome prince when kissed than for the princess to turn into a frog. Miz Gardie seemed to like her new self and said that we all looked “like a bunch of depraved electrons.” It is unclear whether the word “depraved” referred to her own “nakie” form. Miss Frannie, who embraced her inner tiny after the last New Toulouse tiny dance, was a raccoon and wore a green flapper dress with a fetching cloche hat.

Mayor Henri, fresh from his fact-finding mission to our RL sister sim of Louisiana, took time out from his busy schedule to join the fun, and he was accompanied by Miz Yvonne Follet, who so ably steered the ship of state in his absence. New Toulouse newlyweds Mr. and Mrs. Pazzo and BelAmi Pestana were also among the guests and drew admiring glances as they danced gracefully around the room.

Miss Cookie’s friends, Bret Foxglove and his sister Taffilia, were a micro-fox and micro-bunneh respectively, and with Miss Momoe Mollari as a sprouting bean and Mr. Boots Shamrock of the Shire as a Dinky, even the tinies present felt like biggies.

We were delighted that members of other teams joined us: Miz Sienna Thor, captain of the Cure Chasers team, and some of her teammates; Lord Eldemar of Winterfell and his wife, Lady Cassie, from the Aether Chrononauts; and Miz Calumn Tomsen of the RFL Committee.

SL’s legendary crankiness did little to dampen our spirits, even after a mass ejection to RL. Once we had all relogged and rezzed, we carried on having fun. The dance ended in customary tiny fashion with a spirited performance of Riverdance, both tinies and biggies joining in with gusto.

We all carry our secret sorrows and scars, our fear and pain. We all want to beat cancer, that scourge that has blighted so many lives. We are all united in wanting to raise as much money as we can to help with the fight. As Saturday’s dance proved, we can have a lot of fun doing it.

Until there’s a cure, we relay.

Frances Lava is the pseudonym of a well-known Talooster who wishes to remain anonymous. She knows nothing about running a bar and would never dream of turning into a raccoon.