New Toulouse

Carter Denja returns to Fifolet this Saturday, September 12, with a delectable selection of food-themed music for your enjoyment.

With her vast collection of international recordings, attending one of her shows is like taking a trip around the world. She is plenty familiar with local music as well, having acted as master of ceremonies for many a New Toulouse parade during Carnival time.

“Feast Your Ears” will also feature a food trivia game, freshly concocted by Nikita Weymann, with prizes provided by Look What the Cat Dragged In.

Just a few steps southeast of the Bayou rail depot, the venue is bohemian in nature, and the show will take place out of doors. While wearing ballroom finery will raise no eyebrows, you may wish to turn out in something more comfortable.

The party begins at 1:00 PM.

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Gigi Lapin lives in New Toulouse Bayou with her pet crawfish, Jimbo.

As I was taking my customary stroll around the French Market the other day, I noticed Crawdy’s, a recently opened seafood restaurant. Feeling hungry after my walk, I decided to see what this establishment had to offer.

My first impressions were favorable—the place was clean, bright, and fresh. I sincerely hoped that this was reflected in the food. My order was taken by a somewhat vacant-looking youth, and I wondered what might turn up on my plate.

Waiting for my meal, I noticed an old copy of the Tattler. As I leafed through the classified ads, my eye was caught by a heartfelt appeal from Miss Gigi Lapin asking if anyone had found her pet crawfish, Jimbo, who had disappeared near the docks. I recalled the numerous posters I had seen around town with a picture of the missing creature.

At that moment my meal arrived, and despite the boy’s gormless appearance, my “Crawdy’s Surprise” was everything I could have hoped for. As I chewed hungrily on the tasty crawfish, my mind turned again to poor Miss Gigi and her loss. A shocking thought occurred to me, but I decided to wait until I had cleared my plate before considering it further.

After a second helping, I asked the boy where he got his supplies. Becoming suddenly shifty, he mumbled that someone called Miz Vee took care of all that. Hardly surprised that he was not the owner of the diner but “juss the mannijah,” I asked him who owned the place. He told me that he had been shucking oysters on the docks one day and watching the unloading of a freighter from San Francisco. An elderly lady was particularly anxious about some crates and shouting at the longshoremen to be careful with her merchandise. The boy could not read what was written on the sides of the crates, because it was in Chinese characters (or maybe because he couldn’t read, period), but seeing the stencil of a smoking pipe, he assumed that she was in the tobacco industry. She gave a long sigh and said that it was good to be home. Noticing the boy, she asked him what in tarnation he was doing staring at a lady, and then to his surprise offered him a job at the diner.

Who is the mysterious lady behind Crawdy’s?

What are the ingredients of “Crawdy’s Surprise”?

Will Miss Gigi and her beloved Jimbo ever be reunited?

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Francesca Alva is the proprietor of the Green-Eyed Fairy, a select establishment in the Rue du Bayou. She is entirely unconnected with Frankie’s, a miserable juke joint on the old site of the infamous Tarantula Arms.

Today we examine an essential universal question. Personally, I ask it at least three times a week, maybe more. And I bet it comes up for you too as part of your natural human condition, like when you wonder about the afterlife at unexpected times. The question is, “Who doesn’t like goats?”

I recently came into possession of some goat milk yogurt. “Came into possession” may be a bit of a stretch; I spent my own hard-earned money on it. Having no beef against cows, I suppose I had some propaganda in my head about goat cheese being fantastically good for you. And anyway, who doesn’t like crostini broiled with a little goat cheese, laid out so nicely atop micro-greens and then drizzled with lemon vinaigrette? And who doesn’t like goats?

So I thought, this yogurt is made from goats. It has to be great, like yogurt on steroids! And it was indeed powerful: it was like putting a bunch of grass in your mouth when you were expecting blueberries.

So there it sat, looking at me every time I opened the icebox. I needed to force myself not to waste it.

Miss Kari suggested a Jordanian national dish called mansaf. But mansaf is all about huge chunks of melt-in-your-mouth, beautifully spiced lamb. Lambs are cute, and they taste good too, but being a hurried vegetarian, I just haven’t had time to drum up a variation. I haven’t given up though, Miss Kari.

So, thus ensued this simple yet delicious recipe. It’s not vegan this time. Because goat.

Greek Tomato Yogurt Soup
Adapted from Cooking for Health, by the Moosewood Restaurant, and the Wishful Chef

Makes about 6 one-cup servings

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 cup chopped onion
2 garlic cloves, minced or chopped
1 28-ounce can diced tomatoes
2 sun-dried tomatoes
1 1/2 cups vegetable broth
Generous dash ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme (or 1 1/2 teaspoons fresh)
1 tablespoon honey
1 cup goat milk yogurt

Heat a large pot on medium. Add the chopped onion and garlic and cook for 5 minutes, until soft. Add the tomatoes and cook down for 8-10 minutes.

Add the vegetable broth, sun-dried tomatoes, thyme, and honey. Bring to a boil, then simmer for about 15 minutes. Allow to cool.

Using a hand blender, puree the soup until nice and creamy. Season with salt and pepper, then mix in yogurt. Serve hot or cold.

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Miss Beedit recently inherited a breezy old shotgun house in New Toulouse. She welcomes trespassers and can predict your future.

Now and again on an especially balmy night, we indulge in wistful thoughts of the old Sugar Mill out there in Bayou. So many memories, but sometimes memories are even better without soaked feet.

Back then, everyone thought it was such a good idea to “modernize.” “Oh yes, doll, you can throw parties here in the swamp—everyone will slog over in their finery.” But to citify a sugar mill in a swamp is akin to revamping a tallow buggy floating in tapioca. If you think bringing plaster to a swamp is a good idea, I have some sixty-pound yoga balls to sell you.

In desperate social measures you’d row over to the city with your nice shoes stowed in your satchel for last-minute burnishing on dry land. The ladies would be waiting at some gazebo or another, filled with birdsong and chatter. If we were all lucky, the pralines would have survived the trip, not melting, getting too greasy, or mysteriously disappearing.

These are especially good because the nutritional value might balance out the sugar. (Like Pazzo once said while floating through town in his merman costume, “My trident offsets my tiara.”)

Vegan Salted Caramel Pralines

2 cups whole pecans
1 cup almond butter
1 1/4 cups pure maple syrup (use half this amount for a less gooey, more savory praline—it tastes fine)
3/4 cup solid coconut oil
2 tablespoons vanilla extract
2 teaspoons cinnamon
3/4 teaspoon kosher salt

Lay out the pecans in a single layer on a cookie sheet. Toast them in a 350°F oven for 10 minutes. Keep an eye on those pecans! They can burn quickly.

Put all ingredients for the salted caramel into a food processor or a high-speed blender. Blend on high for approximately 2 minutes, scraping down the sides periodically. (Blending this long will create a somewhat sticky, caramel-like sauce). You must beat the caramel for at least two minutes. If all you have is a bowl and a wooden spoon, your mileage may vary.

So now you have your nice caramel, and to that you want to add your pecans. Stir it all together or mash it with your hands.

Lay the resulting blobs on waxed paper—you want about two tablespoons each or maybe eight nuts’ worth, in a fairly compact disk.

Chill the pralines overnight in an airtight container between the sheets of waxed paper.

They are tasty!

Caramel sauce adapted from bakerbettie.com.

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Once a Bayou bait shop owner serving the best leeches and pie, these days Miss RMarie Beedit can be found in the St. Louis Cemetery, looking for night crawlers and shiny pennies.

King Carrot Cake pour Gigi

One of my favorite activities is walking on the railroad tracks in Bayou. There’s something about those rutted industrial tracks raised above the wilds, the shimmering canal, and the ancient trees beside those humble, rickety old ties. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen anybody maintaining those tracks in almost forty cat years. And if you’re wondering, I’m anything but a cat.

I’m closer to a rabbit, I guess, but only by virtue of my relationship with our neighbor Miss Lapin. Speaking of whom, I’ve been seriously worried about her over the past few weeks. Ever since the publication of a certain vegan fettuccine recipe, that rabbit seems to be suffering a nutritional deficiency due to a diet consisting almost solely of alligator pears.

Of course, aside from being concerned about her well-being and girth, I’m also feeling a bit responsible. After all, not everyone has common sense when it comes to sound nutrition, plus rabbits are delicate creatures; too many sweets, and they’re down for the count. Too much fat, and they look more like hedgehogs than hares.

So I consider it my duty to influence a change in regimen, and what better time to do it than just before Mardi Gras?

Please note: this recipe is not only vegan, but it also glutenless, since I can’t bear to use or hear the term “gluten-free” again. AAAAGH.

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Glazed Carrot KING CAKE
(adapted from a recipe on theveganscreen.blogspot.com)

1 cup oats
1 1/2 cups buckwheat flour
1 1/2 cups date sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/3 cup cooked and peeled sweet potato
1 cup vanilla soy milk or vanilla almond milk
3/4 cup olive oil
1 cup water
1 cup grated carrot
1/2 cup currants or raisins (optional)
2/3 cup chopped walnuts (optional)
1 baby

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease a regular-sized bundt pan and set aside.

In a food processor, grind the oats into a fine meal. Transfer the oats to a large mixing bowl, and set the food processor aside. Add the buckwheat flour, date sugar, salt, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, and nutmeg to the bowl, and stir until combined. In the food processor, add the sweet potato and “milk”; combine until smooth, and add it to the dry ingredients, along with the olive oil and water. Fold in the carrot, and stir until the batter is combined. Fold in the raisins and walnuts. Transfer the mixture to the bundt pan, and smooth out the batter with the back of a spoon. Bake the cake for approximately 35 minutes, or until a knife or toothpick comes out clean. Cool the cake in the pan for about 30 minutes, then carefully flip the cake out onto a plate. Allow it to cool for about an hour.

Tuck the baby into the cake so that it is hidden.

For the glaze, combine:

2 cups powdered sugar
1/4 cup refined coconut oil
2 tablespoons non-dairy milk
1 pinch salt

Split the glaze into thirds, and add a drop of purple, green, or yellow food coloring to the individual portions. Drizzle the glaze over the cake, and cover the cake until ready to serve; refrigerate any leftovers.

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Once a Bayou bait shop owner serving the best leeches and pie, these days Miss RMarie Beedit can be found in the St. Louis Cemetery, looking for night crawlers and shiny pennies.

The Delectable Alligator Pear

Dear Miss Beedit,

As a rabbit in the bayou, normally I forage for grasses, leaves, bark, twigs, nuts, and berries, but I’m getting tired of salad. I have access to a kitchen and the market. Do you have any suggestions for delicious vegetarian meals that are easy to make?

Respectfully,

Sugar N. Spice

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Dear Sugar N. Spice,

Thank you for your inquiry. A perennial problem among herbivores is indeed this: sometimes no matter what you conjure up for dinner, you feel like you’re eating salad.

Although, as a rabbit, this might not sit well with your gustatorial makeup, I’m going to recommend you try a couple of cooked things. Different textures can really create a sense of diversity in one’s diet!

These recipes feature the smooth, rich, sublime avocado, also known as the alligator pear. Possibly exotic for the bayou, but oh, so delicious, the avocado has a non-aggressive flavor, with a faintly nutty aftertaste. But oh, the texture! Rich, buttery, and smooth, you can use a nice ripe avocado in place of traditional fats to excellent effect.

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Fettuccine Guacamole

Domesticated bunnies probably eat food that has some gluten filler in it, so the wheat in the pasta ought to be okay for you. Try to use fresh pasta—its texture goes really well with the avocado. Add some crunchy walnuts to round off the flavors and textures.

1 avocado
Juice of 1 lemon
Zest of 1 lemon
1 clove garlic
2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1/2 cup walnuts, ground or chopped
1 12–16 oz package fresh fettuccine

Put the avocado, garlic, lemon juice, and olive oil in a food processor. Process until smooth.

Boil 2 quarts of water in a pasta pot. Add about a teaspoon of salt to the water.

While the water is heating, gently toast the ground walnuts in a pan.

Boil the pasta for about 3 minutes, until tender. This is fresh pasta, so it shouldn’t take long.

Drain the pasta, and put it into a large bowl or back into the pot. Add the avocado mixture until all of the noodles are coated.

Place the pasta in bowls and top with the lemon zest and ground walnuts.

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Kale Salad with Avocado, Lemon, and Sunflower Seeds

Here’s one that will keep your bunny cheeks working happily for hours. Yes, it’s salad-like, but again that decadent avocado somehow takes you beyond mere roughage, into a world of richness and wonder.

About 4 large kale leaves (enough for 4 loose cups of chopped leaves)
1 ripe avocado
1 lemon
1/3 cup sunflower seeds, raw, no shell
Salt and pepper

Remove the stems from the kale leaves. You can usually just do this with your hands. Then chop the kale into 1/2-inch pieces.

Remove the avocado seed and peel, and cut the avocado into 1/2-inch cubes. Place in a medium-sized mixing bowl. Squeeze the lemon on the avocado, and mash it with a fork. Add salt.

Add the kale leaves to the mixing bowl and toss with the avocado. You can let this refrigerate for a while—up to 2 hours.

When ready to serve, sprinkle the salad with raw sunflower seeds. The kale will still be crisp, but it will have a very rich texture mixed with the avocado and lemon.

Croutons are nice with this too.

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Croutons

Seedy whole-grain baguette, sliced
Olive oil
Sea salt
Garlic, if desired

Brush baguette slices with olive oil and sprinkle with sea salt. Gently toast in a cast-iron pan on top of the stove. Serve warm croutons nestled alongside your kale/avocado salad.

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Once a Bayou bait shop owner serving the best leeches and pie, these days Miss RMarie Beedit can be found in the St. Louis Cemetery, looking for night crawlers and shiny pennies.

Shrimp-Stuffed Mushrooms

This snack is a true delicacy, especially since mushrooms are recently so hard to come by.

Make sure to use brown mushrooms for this dish. As you know, certain types of mushroom are highly toxic, and unless you are an expert at knowing which of the more exotic fungi can be eaten, steer clear! Recently, a lot of mushroom hunters have been seen with bags full of glowing green mushrooms. While we’ve heard reports of these being safe to eat, observe the above tenet if you really want to be safe.

12 medium or large mushrooms
1/2 lb. bay shrimp, cooked and diced (not the big shrimp with the tentacles out in Bayou)
1/4 cup mayonnaise
2 to 4 cloves garlic
1/3 cup chopped onion
Italian parsley
2/3 cup fresh, soft breadcrumbs
1 tablespoon grated lemon zest
2 teaspoons lemon juice
salt and pepper
Tabasco (optional)

Examine the mushrooms for signs of glow. Remove the stems and set aside. Clean the mushrooms with a proper mushroom brush to remove all dirt and sediment. We all know where those things like to grow!

Lightly brush them with olive oil and place them cap-down in a 9×13 baking dish.

Sauté the garlic and onion in 1 tablespoon oil for about 5 minutes, until golden.

Put breadcrumbs, lemon zest, parsley, and mayonnaise into a medium-sized bowl and mix in the shrimp and the garlic/onion mixture. Salt and pepper to taste. Add a dash of Tabasco if desired!

Heap the breadcrumb mixture into the mushroom caps until all are full. It’s okay if some spills over. After baking, this makes tasty browned crumbles to spoon on top of the stuffed mushrooms.

Bake the stuffed mushrooms at 350°F for 25-30 minutes, until cooked through and golden.

Examine the mushrooms again for glow. Place on a platter as hors d’oeuvres, or put a few atop salad greens with a drizzle of lemon dressing as a main dish.

Should you start to feel strange powers or notice glow after your shrimp-stuffed mushrooms, do not swim in the river. Leave town immediately, and go to the doctor in Houston or San Francisco.

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Once a Bayou bait shop owner serving the best leeches and pie, these days Miss RMarie Beedit can be found in the St. Louis Cemetery, looking for night crawlers and shiny pennies.

Dear Madam,

Doubtless many of our citizens will have noticed the modest soup kitchen nestling alongside the Tarantula Arms and providing food for the destitute of New Toulouse. The more observant among them will have seen that is is run by the Gumbo Queen Relief Society and perhaps wondered briefly about this body before returning to their usual business.

I should like to draw your readers’ attention to the Society, and in particular dispel the scurrilous rumour that it is nothing more than an excuse for clowning around and wearing silly hats. Society members are compiling a cookbook with recipes contributed by Taloosters and their friends. These will be accompanied by anecdotes and stories of life in New Toulouse. It is our intention to sell the book both in SL and on the Aethernet, first in aetheric form; then, if there is sufficient interest, as a printed book. The money thus raised will go to a charity in our Real Life mother city of New Orleans: Second Harvest Food Bank of Greater New Orleans and Acadiana. New Orleans was our Founder’s inspiration, it is our inspiration, and our aim is to give something back.

There is no charge to join the Gumbo Queen Relief Society. While you need not be much of a cook, we do require interest and enthusiasm; a certain amount of clowning around is permitted, and silly hats, while not compulsory, are strongly encouraged.

Yours, etc

Francesca Alva, Gumbo Queen and Queen of Silly Hats

On Tuesday evening the New Toulouse Department of Health barred Urchin Food Franchyzez [sic] from operating in the city. A recent letter to the editor of this newspaper alerted city officials to a possible health hazard, and the New Toulouse Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals lodged a strongly worded complaint against the French Market food vendor. The city imposed a fine upon Urchin Food Franchyzez, whereupon the sole known operator disappeared from town, with the fine still unpaid.

The mayor’s office issued the following statement: “Based on resident complaints we dispatched an almost human squad to remove the nasty food stall. All food served in the market will be subjected to a cleanliness and taste test, and unsuitable food vendors will be thrown in the canal.”

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Gigi Lapin is a resident of New Toulouse Bayou and an aficionado of the finest carrots.