Aries (March 21–April 19)
You will meet a tall, dark stranger with a tweed suit, a diamond stickpin, and argyle socks. Run from him, run!
Taurus (April 20–May 20)
The midwife and family at your birth had a greater gravitational effect on you than Jupiter does. In your next rebirth, see if you can arrange for your aunt to stand just a little more to the left.
Gemini (May 21–June 20)
The time is right for that big leap you were planning. Try not to flub the landing this time.
Cancer (June 21–July 22)
Love is in the air, but the winds have blown it out past the Bayou. Better luck next time.
Leo (July 23–August 22)
It’s your day! You have worked hard and risen to the top! On this day you are the brightest, wittiest, warmest person in the room! Tomorrow you take your place at the bottom of the stack again.
Virgo (August 23–September 22)
Ignore what those little voices in your head are telling you. They don’t know anything. Get all of your life advice from a trusted source like the Tattler.
Libra (September 23–October 22)
This week will be difficult. No two ways about it. Spend as much time as you can in bed.
Scorpio (October 23–November 21)
Today is the big day. Avoid the Big House! Remember, if you don’t talk, you’ll probably walk. Deny everything.
Sagittarius (November 22–December 21)
The number that applies to you is 9. No one knows why. Good luck with that, we hope.
Capricorn (December 22–January 19)
You’re a Capricorn, start acting like it.
Aquarius (January 20–February 18)
Everything about your love life will change today. Hopefully you’re not happy now.
Pisces (February 19–March 20)
Mercury is in your sock drawer. Communication, intellect and awareness are yours, at least until you reopen that drawer.
The Sun is on its seventy-fifth orbit around Budro Boudreaux-Golly.