Mondieu Reviews

by Nikita Weymann on December 20th, 2014

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New Toulouse on a Budget

Various locations
New Toulouse

Woke up at predawn with a terrible thirst. I’m at the Hôtel Sur le Toit, a Gloryville rooftop flop. Drank a couple cups of joe and breakfasted on marshmallows roasted over a burning Christmas tree. Need water or something, maybe some toast. Checked my pockets: L$30, less L$10 now for the room and board. At the alleyway entrance to the hotel, some derelict has set up house in a crate. My accommodations last night were practically posh in comparison.
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Passing by Lafitte’s. Ugh, fish nog is responsible for the evil elves tapdancing behind my eyeballs. I’d tell Morty the barkeep to go to hell, except I think he has a vacation spot there already. Anyway I can’t afford hair of the dog right now.
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New Toulouse Artist Residency”—say, that’s new. I’m artistic! Art is practically pouring out of my ears! I wonder how much it costs to room here. No time to stop and inquire—I must have hydration and sustenance, pronto.
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A refreshing fizzy beverage from a machine outside the Old Town General Store! I’m saved by technology and Blake Palmer’s early adoption of same! The sun’s rising, and so are my spirits.
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I loaded up a plate with corned beef and cabbage at the Cup and Harp dining hall, but some swanky-looking guy grabbed it out of my hands and kicked me out of the place! Luckily I managed to snag the piece of bread with raisins in it and conceal it on my person.
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Miss Liza’s reading cafe is hosting some terrifyingly festive singing … mushrooms? While everyone was hypnotized by the dancing skull-fungus, I snatched a pear from a fruit bowl.
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Miss Yvonne at the land office said she’d give me a Crawdy’s gift certificate if I ran an errand for her. Of course I leaped at the chance, but I can’t tell you what the job was. By the way, I contributed to this holiday decor by personally emptying a large share of those bottles. You’re welcome, New Toulouse.
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Finally, a real meal. I feel almost human now. Plus I picked up the Crawdy’s Fishmas present, but I won’t spoil the surprise for you.
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Speaking of fish, there’s a barrel of free ones here by the seafood stall. The one I got has a talent for swimming without water. It’s some kind of piscine prodigy. Also, who left a giant pile of stinky fish on that dock? Is that even legal?
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All that walking and food made me drowsy. Good thing nap space on this bench in Laveau Square is free.
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Jack Mondieu, Ace Reporter, believes in Santa Claus. He also believes he’ll have another drink.

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