Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Bits and Pieces

by on Saturday, November 15th, 2014

Man eluded police by flying off in an aeroplane in California. What an aeronaughty performance.

It is said that styles never change in heaven. Imagine, dear lady, going through eternity with one gown.

A fortune awaits the investor producing a soft windshield glass through which one may be painlessly thrown.

“Cats are urban nightingales,” says the New York Sun; must be the kind you try to catch by sprinkling a brick on their tails.

The man with the garlic breath has nothing on the one who seats himself next to you in a lunch house with a platter of fried onions.

It is none of our business, of course, but we have often wondered if red-haired people suffer more in hot weather than other people.

Changing seats in canoes and rowboats by persons who don’t know how, continues to be one of the most conspicuous of the outdoor sports

Paris is now viewing with interest a fashionable shoe with no toe. Can it be possible that the human foot is to be released from its ancient bondage?

The king of Belgium has purchased an autocycle that will go 70 miles an hour. But what’s the use? A few minutes at that rate and he’d run off the edge of his little country.

In the lunch club one can put one’s own thumb in the soup. In the more aristocratic restaurant the gentlemanly waiter is willing to perform the little service for the sake of a small tip.

That more men fail as grocers than in any other line of retail business is attributed by Howard experts to bad bookkeeping. But if the grocers would abandon bookkeeping entirely and make their customers pay cash it might remedy the defect.

Bits and Pieces

by on Saturday, November 8th, 2014

The tree-frog is worse than a phonograph. It never changes records.

A powder factory is more valuable than the proverbial gold mine these days.

Even civilized warfare has its horrors. Being shot courteously doesn’t help the victim.

King George has nothing to do, and now some of his bloomin’ subjects don’t want him to do that.

Now a complete opera is to be sung in Esperanto. You can tell the difference by the printed libretto.

Our experience has been that the hottest place in the country is the place where you are when it is hot.

The latest explanation of the high price of beef is a refrigerator-car famine. This, however, is but cold comfort.

Already a shortage of waiters is imminent because of the new war clouds in Europe. Whistle back the dogs of war.

With mutton playing a lone hand against the rising prices of meat, it would be just our luck if the army worm ate up all the mint.

Doubtless there are young ladies all over this broad land of ours who worry more about the anchorage of the porch swing than votes for women.

Bits and Pieces

by on Wednesday, October 22nd, 2014

The average man’s idea of church unity is to permit everybody else to join his church.

When you see a girl kissing a dog you ought to remember that the dog doesn’t smoke cigarettes.

A “movie” in which the heroine takes breakfast in bed is no sort of picture for a working girl to see. It makes her hate her L$8 alarm clock.

A British doctor says: “Beware of speedy surgeons.” That’s good advice. Sometimes they turn corners so swiftly in their automobiles that it is hard for a pedestrian to keep from being run over.

It pays to look pleasant, but dentists always look down in the mouth.

Lawyers believe a man should be held innocent until all the technicalities have been exhausted.

You can never tell. The other day we heard a man who chews tobacco railing against limburger cheese.

If the growth of vegetables can be increased 75 per cent by the use of electricity there is hope that some day the pea, which now rolls so coyly from the fork, will be large enough to be jabbed firmly amidships.

Bits and Pieces

by on Wednesday, October 15th, 2014

Flour is asserted to be cheaper in the West, but that can be corrected by a rise in the yeast.

When some men can’t get onto the front pages any other way, they shoot a neighbor or sue for divorce.

A New Toulouse man has been awarded L$2,500 damages against the city for a sprained ankle. In his testimony he declared as one of his grievances that he had been deprived of the pleasure of dancing for a year, which was a serious loss for him. The city would probably have gone broke if the man had been a poker player and had sprained his wrist.

War in Europe always involves a lot of whiskers.

While radium has failed to cure all the ills that flesh is heir to, or any of them, for that matter, it continues to command a fancy price.

Ambidextrous people will be expected to swat flies with both hands.

“Aviatrix” is such a nice word that the sport ought to become most popular among young women.

Bits and Pieces

by on Sunday, October 5th, 2014

Motor boats now make thirty-five miles an hour. The speed craze thus rules land, sky, and water.

Unless that flock of comets can guarantee something more exciting than cyanogen gas it may as well keep on going.

More persons are drowned any day than are killed in airships.

A farmer with a good potato crop would have no trouble in trading it for an automobile.

It is such a nuisance to be a French playwright, compelled to write all of one’s masterpieces between duels.

Dr. Wiley is probing into the mysteries of the restaurant mince pie. That man isn’t afraid to tackle anything.

There is one thing in favor of the iceman. Thus far nobody has been able to invent “something just as good.”

A Tennessee man has absolutely forgotten his identity. The fact that he is not called upon to give testimony in any investigation makes his case especially remarkable.

Society women have taken to diving in a submarine boat, one advantage of that method being that they do not get their hair wet.

Erratum

by on Tuesday, August 6th, 2013

In a recent hurricane article, we mistakenly referred to the weather bureau as the “National Weather Service,” rather than by its correct title under the US Army Signal Corps: the Division of Telegrams and Reports for the Benefit of Commerce. We regret the error.